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I was in Andrews a few weeks ago because I needed to renew my driver’s license. My husband believes I should just allow him to drive me around everywhere as if I were Miss Daisy or something.
He thinks I stop in traffic way too much to be a good driver. He has no understanding of what it feels like to just pass by a yard sale sign along the road without turning in – so, yeah, I stop frequently. He complains, but he sure does benefit from the tools and other guy things I purchase for him at those yard sales I stop at too often.
He believes men make better drivers than women, but he also didn’t see the two men exhibiting road rage behavior a few days ago because one guy cut the other one off near the McDonald’s drive-through.
He also didn’t witness the guy who was driving fast while shaving and reading The Wall Street Journal at the same time, but the squirrel running for his life sure did.
Anyway, I was very concerned about needing to re-do the entire driving test, I’m not a very good test-taker. I’ve been on the road most of my life so was it possible that I may need to retest? I didn’t want to take any chances, so I re-read the entire behind-the-wheel manual.
I was also nervous about failing the potential eye exam, so I ordered a Sloan eye chart online. I studied and memorized that chart from the first letter “E” right down to the “Made in China” at the bottom of the chart. I felt confident I would pass the eye exam if needed.
I studied every sign, which I could have sworn they must have added 50 new signs. My husband says they didn’t add new signs, I just didn’t retain the information after taking the test years ago, making the signs in the booklet appear new.
Honestly, as many yard sale signs as there are along our roadways, I believe the N.C. Department of Motor Vehicles should actually add a variety of those types of signs to the booklet. I’m familiar with all of them, and I know everyone on the road sees them as well.
I arrived at the DMV and prepared for the long wait with my bagel and large Starbucks coffee. It wasn’t until I looked for a garbage can for my trash that I saw a wall sign that read, “No eating or drinking.” Not sure how I missed it, but my husband said it has always been there.
When it was my turn the clerk said I didn’t need to take the test but that I did have to retake the photo. When the guy gave me my temporary license, I nearly died. I haven’t had a photo look that bad since my third-grade class picture.
The only thing missing in the snapshot was the casket surrounding my head. It was horrifying. No cop is going to ignore that photo. Since they refused to retake it for me, so I think I’ll just glue a better looking photo of myself on top of it.
When all was said and done, I was grateful I didn’t have to do any testing. I was relieved because eye charts are all different according to the eye doctor. The one I ordered could have really screwed me up on the exam.
Apparently, there are many different varieties of an eye chart. Either way, I’m good for another eight years.
As a gift for obtaining my new license, my husband purchased a car magnet for my vehicle that reads, “Slows down for all yard sales” – he’s so thoughtful.
Anngee Quinones-Belian of Murphy is a staff correspondent for the Cherokee Scout. Her humor column runs every other week. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.