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I read somewhere that someone close to where I live just won, like, $10 million playing the lottery.
I’m all for playing lottery games and have even sacrificed a couple of bags of Cheetos to do so. What I don’t like is that big winners are usually required to let the entire world know about it. In my opinion, that’s a bad idea and just opens the door for scammers, looters and family members the winner hasn’t seen in a hundred years.
A classmate of mine from elementary school won a lot of money in the Florida lottery a few years ago. He found out quickly just how many family members he had crawling around in his family’s tree, because they all showed up on his front porch the next day.
Several of them even had the results of DNA testing in hand to prove their relational claim so they could cash in on his winnings. One of them had an attorney present on the porch with him, and we all know where that went.
The wife he was in the middle of divorcing was among those in the crowd with her hand out like Uncle Sam. She ended up lopping off a good portion of his winnings, claiming she earned at least that much cooking, cleaning and doing some other unmentionable chores for him.
My Uncle Vinny won the lottery once about three weeks before marrying my aunt two decades ago. By the time of their wedding, he had blown through half a million bucks living like somebody he wasn’t and ended up broke.
When my uncle first found out he had won, he started jumping up and down while yelling, “I’m rich, I’m rich!” In his excitement, he came down wrong and broke a foot in 39 places.
Within just a few days of winning, he had forfeited his lottery money to the taxes, a huge hospital bill and greedy relatives. Since he had been working under the table for several years before winning, while bragging about screwing the government, he had to pay back taxes on that money as well along with stiff penalties that day.
After his lottery win, Uncle Vinny ended up owing Uncle Sam $8,576. Unfortunately, he wasn’t the only one who thought he won something only to lose it all. My poor aunt is still losing on a daily basis with the man she said “yes” to. Her losses include dignity, self-respect and sanity.
Apparently, lots of lottery winners end up broke and miserable after their gains. If they just didn’t buy everything in sight but rather invested or saved their loot, perhaps we wouldn’t have so many broke millionaires.
As for all the money from folks playing the lotteries going into the schools, I’m thinking the school my dopey uncle went to as a kid didn’t have very many lottery players in the area.
I have often wondered if the money really does go into the schools only because some news headlines suggest that American students are a bit behind those in other countries in some areas of study.
My thoughts are that somebody may be slipping a hand into the cookie jar. Perhaps that’s why we have so much money available to study why Chimpanzees throw their poop. I would save those research funds and just assume it was what was available at the time the chimp got mad – a weapon of opportunity if you will.
I know folks who won’t play the lottery unless it’s a huge amount but I think walking away with any amount, even after taxes is still a win because it’s money that you didn’t have before buying the ticket.
They say winning the lottery changes people, but I have to disagree. My friend always said if she wins, we both do because she’d share it with me. She kept her word and, last month when she won, she split the winnings with me.
We each took $10 of the $20 prize. I bought Cheetos with my cash.
Anngee Quinones-Belian of Murphy is a staff correspondent for the Cherokee Scout. Her humor column runs every other week. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.