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A friend of mine recently needed surgery, so for a week I found myself in an environment quite different than that of my own cozy home.
I learned a lot in those span of days, most of which was about hospital etiquette. I narrowly escaped eviction from the hospital and its grounds in the beginning of my stay but I learned as I went from day to day how to behave in that setting.
I was blessed to have been allowed to stay each day for the entire day, as opposed to just an hour or so.
When I arrived on the first day to visit, I brought a gift of an exotic plant to the patient. Apparently, that was a no-no because not only did hospital staff escort me outta the room, but the U.S. Department of Agriculture bagged and labeled the bush, asked me a bunch of questions and gave me a dirty look as they were leaving with my $40 gift.
Upon returning back to the patient’s room later, I walked in surprised to see a thermometer being retrieved out of the lower end of the hospital gown. We all felt a little awkward, so from then on I made sure to knock first before entering the patient’s room.
I learned quickly that cell phones can interfere with hospital equipment, but not before setting off monitors, which had nurses running into his room trying to figure out why they were indicating his activity levels were so erratic; as if he were going from doing jumping jacks to passing out altogether.
I decided that a balloon would be a better gift than a plant for my friend and less trouble for me – or at least I thought so.
However, I was asked to leave for the rest of that day when a nurse walked in and saw that I had convinced my friend to suck the helium out with me so our voices would change to a higher and funnier pitch. I was just trying to break up the monotony.
As with most folks who take pictures of unusual things, I was no exception. However, between my irritated friend and the doctors on duty who walked in while I was snapping pics of all the wires and monitors, I felt like I had done something wrong. My friend made me delete the photos I took of his backside where the gown didn’t quite close all the way.
No matter how hungry you get while visiting someone in the hospital, it is not acceptable to have a pizza delivered to their room – at least that’s what I was informed of and in not so friendly a way, I might add. They had to call in a cleaning crew to get the smell of anchovies outta the air.
Arguing with the doctors about treatment is a real no-no regardless of how much you think you know based on all the binge-watching of your favorite medical shows. I was quite sure he no longer needed some of the wires he was hooked up to, but I may have been wrong.
I found out that by wearing my “PJ” scrubs, I was more comfortable when staying for hours. I also realized that I could advance quickly in the cafeteria food lines. Some folks allow doctors to “cut” in front of them at lunchtime, so that was helpful toward making my stay more enjoyable.
For the most part, my visits to the hospital were nice while being somewhat restrictive. Actually, the most disturbing part of the whole experience was knowing that my speeding, fast-turning, quick-stopping cabbie to and from the hospital was also a student driver.
Anngee Quinones-Belian lives in Murphy. She loves humor and believes the world needs more of it. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.