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While everyone was out celebrating New Years, I did a little research and found other holidays in January worthy of celebrating as well, at least for some people. Why party just one day outta the month?
For those of you who didn’t know – Jan. 1 was also National Hangover Day, but I didn’t go to that fiesta. After all, who wants to sit around and watch a bunch of drunks stumble around through bottles and empty chip bags while slipping on barf and complaining of headaches?
National Old Rock Day celebrates fossils and rock formations. Actually, I think Jan. 7 could have been better celebrated by having a party with rock stars in a bed of shamrocks while eating rock candy. Now that’s a party to sell tickets to.
I had my balloons ready on Jan. 9, as it was National Static Electricity Day and you can bet I was at that “shindig.” By rubbing the inflated latex across your head vigorously a few times, one can zap even the burliest of party-goers. It’s not quite as good as a stun-gun party, but it was still a blast.
If your desk looks like a thrift store blew up on top of it then your day to celebrate was Jan. 14, which was National Clean Off Your Desk Day. Be proud of yourself for not being able to manage and keep a 2.5-foot-by-4-foot space clean and tidy. I imagine you partied with folks who can’t open their closet door without fear of ending up on the bottom of a pile of cascading “I should have gone to the dump a year ago with this crap.”
Jan. 14 is also National Dress Your Pet Day. For cryin’ out loud, don’t animals endure enough embarrassment for human pleasure without having another day devoted to it? Animals have to face each other daily in parks and other outings, and it’s hard to maintain dignity while wearing glasses and a bow tie. Well, at least some pets naturally gravitate toward their friend’s fannies so we should at least keep that area free and clear of garments and accessories to eliminate any confusion.
Jan. 21 is National Hugging Day, and I have a word to say about this special day. If you’re going to spend an entire day hugging those around you, at least make sure you don your Omnicron barriers first. Keep in mind that if you hug someone who doesn’t want that display of affection, you may get “hit” with a charge of simple
battery. I did the research on that as well.
I, myself, don’t care for National Compliment Day, Jan. 24. It begs the question: are you telling me the truth or just lying to me so you can partake in the day’s festivities? I personally can’t analyze that much body language in a day to decipher whether you are telling me the truth or not.
National Global Belly Laugh Day is also on Jan. 24. This is a stupid holiday in my opinion. If everyone belly laughed at the same time, the vibration would be enough to shift the planet off its axis. Don’t we have enough global issues to deal with right now?
On Jan. 28, feel free to pop all the bubble wrap you want. It’s Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day. This is a wonderful way to de-stress unless you’re in a concert crowd or near a police station as the rapid firing off of your bubble wrap may have you under a pile of cops screaming, “Where’s the gun, where’s the gun?”
Jan. 28 is also Have Fun at Work Day. Perhaps this year, I’ll let the Human Resources department know ahead of time so I don’t end up suspended and ordered to write apology letters to my co-workers. Last year, I tried explaining that it was only yellow food coloring in the water coolers five-gallon bottle, but everyone was upset about it anyway.
Looking forward to February, which has a day set aside to celebrate Spunky Old Broads. It’ll give me an opportunity to take grandma to lunch ...
Anngee Quinones-Belian lives in Murphy. She loves humor and believes the world needs more of it. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.