With Thanksgiving day behind us, I began tossing around some different ideas about what to add to next year’s traditional feast.
While cleaning up the kitchen, my husband suggested next season I make something called turducken to which I responded, “Turwhatin?”
Apparently, one crams a chicken into a duck, then both birds into a turkey, all of which have been previously de-boned. It’s kind of like the nesting dolls, where several dolls are stacked inside of other ones. For cryin’ out loud, haven’t these birds suffered enough?
Turducken is said to be the ultimate poultry dish, but it sounds like a kitchen cover-up to me.
What’s wrong with the chicken and the duck that they can’t be seen on the table by themselves? It’s one of those “sweep it under a rug” culinary moments.
The mass of meat was actually popularized by football coach and broadcaster John Madden in 1996.
I don’t think Madden would be OK if someone rolled a golf ball into a baseball, then threw it into a football. Isn’t the original game that each ball was created for diminished doing that, as is with the traditional Thanksgiving day meal? Is nothing sacred anymore?
One thing’s for sure about turducken; since, in my opinion, it all tastes like chicken, so why waste the other two birds? Personally, I’d rather spend the extra money on more pumpkin pie and whip cream.
My Uncle Vinny tried this kind of three-in-one meat deal at a barbecue we had once. He combined rabbit, opossum and bacon in a blender, then made patties for the grill. After our party-goers finished barfing, his head-cheese-like meat mess was forever banned at our cookouts.
Nothing should be shoved into any other thing before eating, except maybe Cheese Whiz in an olive. I’m still trying to accept sticking stuffing into a turkey, which is unsettling enough, but the chicken and duck into another bird is just plain foul, and I can’t even imagine the caloric intake of that entree.
Perhaps in the very near future, I’ll actually try this concept of “food shoving” as a meal in my own home.
My husband likes seafood, so I’ll just find a shark, a lobster and some clams and make a dinner I’ll call shalobams. Maybe I’ll even toss a few scallops into the shark, then staple the opening of my culinary collage, so they don’t just roll out on the table.
Among many other things this holiday season, I’m thankful that next month’s traditional Christmas dinner will remain the same, with the usual good ol’ baked ham, unless someone gets the crazy idea of putting a lamb into a pig, then into a deer. I would hate to hear someone ask, “Who wants a slice of lamigeer?”
For Pete’s sake, no! I’m still trying to understand fruitcake.
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone – regardless of what you’re eating.
Anngee Quinones-Belian lives in Murphy. She loves humor and believes the world needs more of it. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.