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We are now into the third month of the new year, and March offers yet another opportunity for some folks to party.
The Irish holiday is most recognized by partygoers for green food and beer – as well as leprechauns, pinching others and that illusive pot of gold.
Although I am part Irish, I don’t recall growing up having to pinch people or eat anything green, except for the accidentally ingested green items in the fridge that were overlooked before mom tossed them out.
Folklore suggests that wearing green on St. Patrick’s Day makes you invisible to leprechauns. They pinch you because they see you and they can. So if I see you on another day, can I kick you just because I can?
I’m really surprised there aren’t more leprechauns dropping in the streets, as it’s well within our rights to defend ourselves against such attacks. How does this pinching thing fly in the workplace, as everyone would be sitting in the human resources office for such behavior.
Eating anything green except for your vegetables could spell big trouble. I have friends who’ll eat anything including stuff with green on it, which is probably why they’re usually laying down in the back of an ambulance holding a barf basin.
The closest I’ve ever come to riches was a “Pot of Gold” scratch-off ticket a friend bought for me that didn’t win anything. Apparently, the customer is not always right and our happiness with a product not important to a store owner, as my argument for a refund on the ticket went unsatisfied.
Perhaps the holiday would be a little better if we exchanged gifts. Everybody loves receiving a present. We could give green gifts instead of pinching; that way no one gets beat up, and law enforcement isn’t overwhelmed with these types of calls.
Folks drink green beer on St. Patty’s Day but what about soda drinkers? How do you “green-up” a root beer. What are our options?
A friend of mine got pinched repeatedly for not wearing green, however, had anyone bothered to look at his face they would have noticed his green eyes and yes, that counts as having green on. Poor thing was covered in black and blue marks the next day.
And let’s think about the creep factor of leprechauns themselves. This is the only holiday I can think of whose mascot is somewhat horrifying. They’re right up there with clowns and ventriloquist dummies. Who would allow themselves to be accosted with pinching from one of these characters?
If Santa Claus were scary looking like this, would we allow him into our homes to snoop around in the wee hours? What about the Easter Bunny; would we eat his eggs and treats if he creeped us out?
All I’m saying is that leprechauns are sneaky and somewhat untrustworthy with a propensity to lay hands on people. I’ve even seen them hanging out with clowns on occasion and if that’s not the stuff nightmares are made of I don’t know what is.
To top it off, the food most commonly eaten on St. Patty’s Day is corned beef and cabbage which is known for its coniferous side effects that involve the rapid movement of one’s own personal air. What a party treasure that is.
In fact, I think it’s time now for me to take a couple of Tums: The green ones are my favorite.
Anngee Quinones-Belian lives in Murphy. She loves humor and believes the world needs more of it. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.