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Last week I was in a grocery store when I heard then saw numerous cans of three-bean salad rolling around everywhere – I knew it wasn’t me this time because I was perusing survival magazines over on aisle 14.
When I ran over to check out the commotion, because I’m human and just wanted to see what was going on, I saw a lady getting up off of the floor while trying to control the hyper 2-ounce teacup Chihuahua that had apparently jumped out of her handbag, knocking over the display. The lady wasn’t injured, just embarrassed, she confessed to another cart pusher.
She ended up filing a “wrongful slip and fall” lawsuit against the store, for cryin’ out loud.
It wasn’t the store’s fault that she wiped out because her micro-mini canine risked its life jumping free and landing under her feet, rather than spend another second among her hairbrush, cosmetics and cigarettes. The thing wasn’t even on a leash, which may have allowed her to better control it. That alone was disturbing, as I was often on a leash myself as a toddler. Hadn’t the four-legged mess maker barked, I may have mistaken it for a rodent running loose in the store – just saying.
Somebody once sued a fast-food restaurant because they spilled hot coffee on themselves. Perhaps the clerk should have just served the coffee cold, which I’m fairly sure “coffee klutz” would have complained about.
Many lawsuits are justified, but some in my opinion are simply frivolous – in fact, there’s even a term for it: frivolous lawsuits.
I can think of better ways to make my money than to be tied up in court for who knows how long while unable to use a cell phone, eat Cheetos or wear my favorite ball cap. Court rules are just so restrictive. This is one of the reasons I hate jury duty.
Anyway, too often, I hear about lawsuits being filed even though an event was the sole responsibility of the one suing.
My Uncle Vinny tried suing a big box store over a weighted blanket he purchased once. The dope never goes to the gym but decided to crawl under a 46-pound blanket on a cold night.
For starters, he drank way too much fluid before bedtime, then couldn’t get out from under the thing when he “had to go.” Because he was embarrassed, he decided to sue. He should have just gone to the bathroom before bed.
My uncle didn’t know who to sue, so he went after the store, the manager, the stockboy and the sand company that filled it.
First of all, who sleeps under these things? I mean, if a burglar breaks into my house at night, the last thing I want to do is fight the perpetrator and the blanket. They may work for keeping children in bed longer when you want to sleep in, but even that is likely to cause issues. If you are going to sleep under them, then at least work out once in a while.
What about the person who misuses a robot vacuum cleaner by setting it up to fight another vacuum cleaner, fit with knives and M-80s on its body? Who’s responsible for the collateral damage from that festive, spectator garage event – the vacuum cleaner company or the knucklehead who modified it beyond its AI capabilities?
All I’m saying is that perhaps some folks shouldn’t be awarded large sums of money for their stupidity.
When I spun around like a 60-year-old ballerina atop a disk that’s used for moving heavy furniture and wiped out, I sprang my foot, ankle, leg and shoulder. After crawling up a wall in order to just stand up again, I didn’t think to myself, “I’ll just sue the company.” They did, however, place an additional warning label on their boxes after my anger-fueled phone call to their CEO.
As my aunt used to say to me growing up, “You made yer bed now lay in it,” which I agree with – unless someone tosses a weighted blanket on top of you.
Anngee Quinones-Belian lives in Murphy. She loves humor and believes the world needs more of it. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.