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I don’t want to discount the coolness of parents, but grandparents rock. What more could a kid want but someone who spoils them while offering very little, if any, discipline?
I used to love when mom and dad would go somewhere, leaving me in grandma’s care. They were always too busy with work and bickering, but grandma was always able to play.
She’d lay on the floor and let me wrap caution tape around her so I could pretend she was a victim.
I wanted to be a cop as a
kid, so she provided me with the yellow tape, and even got me a detective T-shirt, fake badge and small amount of Halloween blood. Mom would just tell me to go clean my room, which made me feel like a victim myself.
Grandmas give a whole new meaning to the term “spoiler alert,” which is a heads up that grandma’s approaching.
On the rare occasion that grandma would need to discipline me, I could always outrun her. By the time she finally caught up with me, she had forgotten why she was even chasing me. Not so with my parents. Dad was in track, so he could not only run fast but jump any obstacles I threw in his way in my attempt to escape the consequences of my shortcomings.
When I got sick, I liked how she treated me. Mom would give me nasty-tasting medicine and send me to bed, but grandma would give me honey and hugs. Grandmas are like puppies with aprons and readers.
There were a couple of times, however, when a younger sitter may have been better – like when I wanted to go see Santa at the mall. She moved so slowly that Santa went on a break just as I made my way to him. We found out later he had been fired for petty theft, so I missed that opportunity all together.
Once I asked grandma for a bike, but she informed
me that Social Security didn’t pay her enough to buy both her meds and a bike for me.
Grandpas are cool, too. They kinda fart a lot, so I could always blame it on him when I did it but had friends over. I could actual cut loose without embarrassment when he was around.
Grandparents never say no. My grandpa bought me a Velcro suit that I wanted once. Mom would yell at me every time I’d walk by the curtains, as I would always get stuck on them. I just told her it was grandpa’s fault. She never yelled at him because he was old.
Grandpas also have cooler cars. His old Chevy pickup was cooler than my dad’s car. I believe they call grandpa’s vehicle a classic now and my dad’s a piece of crap.
Grandparents send money for birthdays and holidays; moms just buy ya underwear, which should never be counted as a gift anyway.
Dad bought mom a vacuum cleaner for her birthday once. She didn’t talk to him for two days, so the underwear gift is the same darn thing, in my opinion.
Once mom left me with Uncle Vinny, as grandma was at another doctor’s
appointment. He drove
me crazy. I called the cops and told them that I was alone and there was a stranger in my house just so they’d come take him away for the day. That mess is like a cross between a scary clown and a 2-year-old – good Lord!
Anngee Quinones-Belian lives in Murphy. She loves humor and believes the world needs more of it. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.