By Jack Lewis
Guest Columnist
As I sit within my office listening to the faint sound of the air handling unit purring out its comforting tone, I take a few minutes to review the commissioners’ proposed ordinance regarding noise within Cherokee County, excluding Andrews and Murphy.
It is noted within your verbiage that anything over 50 dBA is considered noise and is thus in violation of the proposal. I ask, “What is the dBA here in my office?”
So I take out my Sound Level Meter, certified IAW ANSI standards and recently calibrated, to determine that the very quiet office I’m in, is violating the proposal. The recorded noise level is indicated to be 52.0 dBA.
As I contemplate the meaning of this data I answer a phone call. My voice, added to the ambient noise associated with my very quiet office, is measured on the same meter, with a range of 68.3 and 72.5.
I take my meter to Moss Cemetery. Following EPA standards for measuring open areas for noise
and ensuring that there are no meteorological influences or Acoustical Focusing Effects the meter is activated at the edge of the property line.
Lord have mercy: These dead people will all need to be dug up and moved out of the county since the reading was 51.4 dBA. We can only hope these poor souls are allowed to vote one more time before you expel them from their resting place.
If the dead must move, what about the dying? I travel to Erlanger Western Carolina Hospital in Peachtree. Standing at the edge of U.S. 64, the meter is indicating a 52.3.
Not bad, they can adjust for that. But then I remember they have emergency generators that must be tested regularly.
Oh wait, there is hope! The hospital can, based on the ordinance, run their generators if there is no power. If Murphy Power Board must stop distributing power to the hospital, then the generators will come online and, according to the ordinance, all will be good.
I quickly proceed to the Harshaw Road substation. The dBA of the substation is 51.9. Power must be turned off to the substation! The hospital is saved!
If the dead and dying must leave, what about the taxpaying living? I zoom to the road at Team Industries. At the pavement edge, the device is indicating Team is generating noise at 56.9 dBA. What will we do?
Our only hope is the sizzle from the commissioner’s hamburgers, as they are grilled on their deck, will exceed 50 dBA at their property line. If it is, this stupidity will end.
Your proposed ordinance is ridiculous. The dead and the living will violate the dBA 50 limit at some point. This county does not have the resources to enforce it, except for selected targets.
Which is the entire reason it was proposed anyway, isn’t it?
The writer is a resident of Murphy. This was addressed to county commissioners.