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I don’t have exact numbers because I’m not a statistical analyst, but I’m willing to bet there’s a lot – a lot of snoring folks out there.
Even babies and pets snore. For cryin’ out loud, sea lions in California snore while they’re awake.
There are products out there that are supposed to help reduce or eliminate snoring all together.
The snoring in our house alone makes our family sound like a group of Harley Davidson motorcycles with illegally loud pipes. We are all running around in the late hours of the night, rolling each other over to stop the noise. That lasts about 10 seconds before the process needs to be repeated.
No wonder we all look like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh the next morning.
I’ve tried several ways to stop the snoring – it’s so bad the entire house expands and contracts due to the air pressure fluctuations at night.
My husband made me try a device that has a lot of tubes coming from it. I woke up at 3 o’clock in the morning screaming after a bad dream and thought I was hooked up to life support for cryin’ out loud.
I made him wear some tape-like strip across his nose. However, in the morning I had to repeatedly hold his head under water to loosen the adhesive so we could pull it off without tearing his face. Perhaps we shouldn’t have started with the extra strength strips.
I tried covering my hubby’s mouth with duct tape to stop all his snoring but when I came back in the room with some rope to tie off a curtain so we could get some moon light to shine in, my husband jumped up and put an end to that.
Apparently, he thought I was acting out a scene from one of the murder shows I binge watch.
A mouthpiece I tried one night made me feel as though I should also be wearing a helmet and shoulder pads.
It’s suggested that a certain type of pillow will stop snoring so I purchased it but when I tried placing it over my husband’s mouth at 2 o’clock in the morning, the struggle wore me out.
I saw an ad once for some nasal magnetic clip that was supposed to help eliminate snoring so I gave it a try. I woke up in the morning with paper clips and a pen stuck to my face, as I sleep with some office supplies on my nightstand – so much for magnets.
Just as I started to think we’d never find a product that would help us with all our nighttime rumbling, it “hit” me. A staple gun – an industrial staple gun.
I remembered that rolling a person on their side eliminates snoring. The problem is that they roll right back over and snoring resumes. I waited for everyone to fall asleep. I then rolled them onto their sides one by one and stapled their pajamas to the mattress.
This did work in keeping them on their sides throughout the night. However, I found out the hard way that it doesn’t work well on those who get up several times a night to use the bathroom.
As for our recent snoring company, they said they decided to get a hotel room the next time they come to visit. That works for me as I don’t care much for company anyway.
I suppose that there are worse sounds to hear in the late nighttime hours, especially given the fact that quieting those sounds would prove a whole lot more challenging.
Anngee Quinones-Belian lives in Murphy. She loves humor and believes the world needs more of it. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.