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Ranger I was with friends last week when the subject of past activities came up. After telling them some of the things I’ve done, they suggested I tell my stories to the Cherokee Scout readers who enjoy my humor column, as they may find my past somewhat interesting. So here we go.
I was born in the Lone Star state of Texas. I grew up primarily in Florida, with the exception of a few years here and there.
As a very young human, my mom found her hands full with me. I was a very active kid and had my own way of doing things. By the time I reached kindergarten, she needed a break.
Happy to have me in school so she could enjoy some quiet time, off I went to see what this “kinder-place” was all about. Not long into my kinder-stint, she was mortified to be contacted by the school and asked to come pick me up.
Apparently, I was unwilling to conform to a structured setting. I was too silly, and it seemed as though I was more entertaining to the students then the teacher was.
I believe the proper phrase for what happened back then was I got kicked out of kindergarten and couldn’t return until the first grade. Antics and foolery have followed me until today.
I started writing in the second grade and wrote my first poem about my mom, and I’ve been writing ever since. My favorite gifts are still a new notebook and pen – with the occasional piece of jewelry, of course.
I was a gymnast in high school. It was also at that period of time that I rode along with a deputy on patrol as an observer and loved it.
Years later, I got a job as a roller skating gas station attendant at a Mobil in Florida. If I had to work I wanted to have fun doing so.
I told them if they wanted me to work there, the skates were part of the deal. My duties were all done while skating including, running the register and pumping gas for customers, earning the nickname of “The Roller Skater.”
I spent a number of years as a reserve sheriff’s deputy in Florida, riding and working alongside cops. I was on a hostage negotiator’s team and trained in crime scene. For five minutes, I was even allowed to fly a sheriff’s department helicopter; only doing stand-up comedy was scarier.
I also spent a number of years as a volunteer firefighter. I was on the department’s honor guard team as well, which provided numerous opportunities to present the colors and stand guard at funerals.
I’ve done stand-up comedy, and few things are more terrifying. I found that keeping a change of drawers and large bottle of Pepto-Bismol handy was somewhat comforting.
I did some part-time modeling. My photo made the cover of a large box that housed a big inflatable boating and water toy product.
Neither the company nor the photographer realized at the time that I had no idea how to swim. I snuck my way into that audition by omitting the, “Are you a strong swimmer?” question on the application.
I was picked from other folks auditioning to be an “extra” in the movie Heartbreakers starring Ray Liotta, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Sigourney Weaver, who was so nice.
I’ve worked in radio with Clear Channel for south Dade County and the Keys. A portion of my time was spent writing and voicing radio spots as well as having a morning show on a country music station.
I’ve also worked at a children’s shelter, where I once allowed the kids to have an outdoor food fight with lots of leftover corn that we were going to throw out anyway.
I’m not an “employment mutt;” I just believe that at the end of life, folks should have stories to tell around the campfire.
God has been good to me, as I have a wonderful and successful son.
Christmas is my favorite holiday. I’ve eaten a bug on purpose, broken a couple of bones and hid under a buffet table at a formal dinner party, while folks walked by and filled their plates. Thank God for long tablecloths and not having my cell phone ring at the time.
And I couldn’t be happier living in Cherokee County with my wonderful husband, Bill Belian, and entertaining Scout readers with my words and sense of humor.