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I was thinking the other day about some folks who have made me really mad. The reasons vary, but for the most part, my life has been more difficult as a result of their poor choices, all of which could have been prevented had they thought about how their decisions would affect others.
For starters, Eve from the Bible could have eaten anything else except that apple. She took the advice of a weasiley creature that basically sneaks around and doomed women for all time. It’s because of her that I spent 15 hours in labor with my eyes rolling to the back of my head. They say you forget the pain when you see your beautiful baby but that’s not true. At the time I blamed my husband but it was really Eve’s fault.
Shame on Adam for not being the man of his garden house and telling Eve to stop eating. He probably just wanted a romantic evening with her and didn’t want to tick her off, so he went along with her self-indulgence. Because of him, my husband works hard every day in that shed of his and I never get to see him.
Noah was a nice guy, I’m sure, but when God said to bring pairs of animals on to the ark, I don’t think God actually meant for him to include termites, fleas and roaches. Noah should have clarified that before he launched the boat.
I’m sure the trip was long enough for the termites to have done at least a little bit of damage. As a result of his overzealous animal gathering, I have to spend $4,200 on a termite tent next month. Thanks a lot, Noah.
I’m not just mad at folks from the past; people of today have me angry as well.
When I told my husband I needed a new car, as mine was getting too old, he told me to stop complaining. He said Mary rode a donkey while pregnant and never complained, to which I let him know that I was thankful that God had provided both Mary and me with a jackass. I’m mad at my husband right now, too.
One big sports drink company has gone to smaller containers while keeping their prices the same or higher. How rude. I enjoyed drinking their product, but now it’s difficult to justify buying it. All I can say is that it will be a lot more expensive to dump a cooler of it on the head of a winning coach during a celebratory tradition after a game.
Companies everywhere are doing the same thing of jacking the price while lessening the product. They better not touch my Cheetos.
I’m mad at weathermen who are often wrong in their predictions. They each show a weather report that’s different from one another.
Don’t they all go to the same school to learn climate observation, for cryin’ out loud? From now on, I’m just going to find someone with an old injury who can tell me the impending weather. They usually get it right; my grandma’s good at it.
Everyone who’s involved in perforating paper towels, writing warranties that expire just before a product fails and sending repeat subscription notices six months before a magazine expires – I’m mad at them as well.
Last week, some careless dork ran me off the road because he felt the need to shave while driving 70 mph. I spotted him again at a red light. Just wait until I catch up with Uncle Vinny.
Anngee Quinones-Belian lives in Murphy. She loves humor and believes the world needs more of it. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.