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Boy, how the times have changed. So the other day, I saw someone riding a bike while wearing what looked like a spare suit owned by the Michelin Man.
When I was a kid, I sat atop my brother’s shoulders while he rode his Schwinn bicycle with tassels around the neighborhood. We looked like a circus act,
but we were crazy. Neither of us, nor our friends, ever wore helmets, knee or elbow pads, nor a neck brace. We never donned any gear that had padding, and I don’t recall anyone ever yelling at us to put it on, either.
I do remember wrapping part of my body in Bubble Wrap twice. Once as a little kid because I knew I’d get a spanking when my dad got home. I was hungry and made a fish sandwich on toast with a few fish from his home office aquarium. I’m not sure if my troubles came from frying the fish or starting the kitchen fire.
Back then, parents could spank kids when they went off the rails without receiving a prison sentence. I was even spanked by a neighbor once, and my parents were OK with it. That was when it took a village and, boy, did I need a village.
The second time was because I had to pass a school physical education swimming test, and I knew that Bubble Wrap would help me with buoyancy. Not only did I not win any medals in swimming, but I didn’t receive any ribbons just for participating, either.
We held on to the backs of trucks while on skates, played in the backyard with huge darts that would require a permit today and never had to worry about the safety of Halloween candy.
I also remember riding around in the family’s car while bouncing up and down in the back seat like a bingo ball. We were never strapped down via seat belts, although my mom did put a leash on me in crowds.
I would also lay under the very back window of the car like a lizard warming itself in the summer sun. I even recall waving hello to a passing cop car. Mom never got pulled over for it.
When I was a kid, one had to throw sticks and stones to hurt someone, and name calling was just a thing kids did to each other. It seems today those yesteryear tolerances can get you dead.
I can’t help but wonder what has happened to the world since then. I’m not saying we shouldn’t be nice to folks or protect ourselves when we ride a bike, I just miss the simpler times.
When I was 3 years old, I was watching Bugs Bunny cartoons while sitting too close to the television set, not fixing grandma’s computer or seeing how many likes I had.
I drank outta the garden hose, pulled weeds for allowance and looked up to cops. I still look up to cops.
My Uncle Vinny was the same dope back then that he is today, but when he wasn’t looking I’d just throw sticks and stones at him. I can’t do that today, not without a simple battery charge.
I am, however, thankful that we have better ways of protecting ourselves from dangerous things like bombs – other than hiding under a desk, I mean.
Hiding under the desk works well for those times when my uncle rings our doorbell for a visit.
Anngee Quinones-Belian of Murphy is a staff correspondent for the Cherokee Scout. Her humor column runs every other week. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.