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As if the world isn’t scary enough already, Halloween is right around the corner. Previously known as All Hallows’ Eve, the Halloween holiday is either terrifying or fantastic, depending on whom you ask.
As for myself, Halloween is merely a stepping stone to Thanksgiving and, of course, Christmas – my favorite all-time holiday.
Back to Halloween – for starters, it’s an opportunity for folks to peruse the streets incognito, which can sometimes cause trouble. My neighbor says she dresses up because sometimes it just feels better to look like Marilyn Monroe – and she wonders why her husband wants her to sport the costume around on other nights, for cryin’ out loud.
I dress up and run around getting candy, but only to re-hand it out at my house later. It’s a money-saving opportunity. Does it really matter who the treats come from as long as kids get the goodies?
Halloween is also fraught with unbridled phobias that are unleashed on folks who have a fear of some sort.
Some phobias are common – like arachnophobia, which is the fear of spiders. I’d be more inclined to fear the person who’s not afraid of the hideous creatures, which crawl inside of orifices only to eat their way back out.
Cucurbitophobia is the fear of pumpkins, but it isn’t clear as to whether or not the fear comes before or after its carving.
Caramelaphobia is the fear of candy. It’s a real phobia, but I’m not sure if the fear starts with a single piece of the tasty morsels or if it takes someone seeing the whole bag that’s the problem. Either way, since I’d hate to see the phobia start for someone early in life only to go left untreated, I have no problem taking candy from a baby. Why allow them to suffer for years before anyone figures it out and seeks treatment?
The fear of clowns is called coulrophobia and can surely be understood, as some clowns are just evil. The need to fear all of them is just self-preservation, in my opinion. Their get-up and facial cosmetics helps conceal their real motives. Remember, not all clowns are without a criminal record, and watch out for those carrying a roll of duct tap.
Thank goodness candy corn escapes the vegetables fear. That phobia is known as lachanophobia. Perhaps for some folks it started in early childhood, while watching a cartoon where veggies talk to each other. At least they were friendly vegetables, unlike the clowns.
The only thing I fear is that my aunt and Uncle Vinny will have children, and I’ll be asked to babysit. I fear that I’ll have to deal with a bunch of little Uncle Vinnys, and I have all I can handle with the big one. However, I suppose I could do my babysitting for them in a clown’s outfit, which should stop any requests to watch their kid.
If someone fears brooms, with or without the witch atop it, that’s called skoupaphobia. My kid threw that out at me recently after asking him to sweep the porch, so I handed him a vacuum cleaner. He then tells me he has zuigerphobia, the fear of vacuum cleaners. I gave him a roll of tape and told him to get busy picking up the ground debris with the adhesive, to which he then asked for the vacuum cleaner back.
Believe it or not, there’s even a fear of long words. It’s called hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia, which I believe Mr. Webster may have mistaken for the fear of hippopotamuses.
Either way, I think the word should be redefined as the fear of the alphabet – but not including the soup.
Anngee Quinones-Belian of Murphy is a staff correspondent for the Cherokee Scout. Her humor column runs every other week. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.