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I was talking to a friend and neighbor of mine a few weeks ago, and she was happily telling me all about her most recent trips over a cup of coffee. She visited Spain and then flew to Paris before taking a cruise to the Bahamas for a week or so.
I let her know that I had been to Blue Ridge recently and have plans to go over to Blairsville next week. She looked at me like I had two heads.
I realized then that I hadn’t done very much traveling in my life.
However, it occurred to me later that in deed, I do travel, and quite often if you take into consideration my nighttime hours of sleep.
Six months ago, I went to Australia with some friends. We were enjoying shrimp on the barbecue when one of them wandered off – the friend, not the shrimp.
After our dinner, we went looking for our buddy and found him drinking beer and watching a cricket game at some pub, but not before I was attacked by a large kangaroo that came out of nowhere wanting my purse. He pummeled me like a
basketball player dribbling the ball up and down the court.
At the end of my journey, I was beat up, broke and left by my friends, with no one to help me get back home. I pressed charges against the kangaroo, but I had no plans to return for my day in court. The marsupial mocked me just before I woke up screaming. That was a horrible trip.
Two weeks later, I found myself at the top of the world arguing with a man in red about a gift I wanted that he failed to present me with last year. Needless to say, he transferred my name to the “naughty” list and pointed angrily toward his front door.
Guess I shouldn’t expect anything decent this year. That trip left me feeling let down, cold and somewhat disillusioned.
Then recently, I ended up in a desert somewhere. Good Lord, that was a terrible trip for me as well.
I was wearing flip-flops while trying to hike across desert terrain in the middle of summer. My tour guide was wearing swim fins, so not much better. He demanded I pay him in
sand dollars and, when I couldn’t produce any for my fare, he ditched me without a map. All I had for protection against the sun until I could find my way out of there were a few tumbleweeds and a cactus plant. Have you ever worn tumbleweeds?
I woke up exhausted, dehydrated and sweating. I’m not sure if I was sweating from my trip to the desert or from a hot flash, but either way I was overheated and angry.
Traveling is in the eye of the beholder and, after all my recent nighttime escapades, I’m quite content with motoring to and from areas within 20 minutes of my humble abode.
I have a great time traveling to Walmart in Blairsville, I enjoy seeing wildlife and the sights of Murphy and, on occasion, I pack a lunch and head way over to Hayesville to see their places of interest.
I’m quite happy enough seeing things in my own backyard without having to pay lots of money, sit in a seat by the aisle or go through a metal detector – unless I have to go to court for something, of course.
In those brief moments when I do envy people who travel the world to see the sights of faraway lands, I just turn on the travel channel and kick back in my Barcalounger with a bag of Cheetos.
The next time my friend looks at me funny because of my limited itinerary, I’ll just remind her of the newest friends she met while traveling recently – Mr. and Mrs. Bedbug. May all those who travel within a stones throw, unite!
Anngee Quinones-Belian lives in Murphy. She loves humor and believes the world needs more of it. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.