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I had company at our home a few weeks ago. They stayed with my husband and I for a few nights, even though it felt like a whole month.
Now regardless of what folks think, company interferes with your daily routine, even those we love.
I’ve decided that if people want to save money on a hotel stay while they’re visiting, they would need to
do a few simple things to help me accept their intrusion.
For starters, as much as I like animals, I don’t want them running around my clean home leaving wet nose prints on everything. The last thing I want to see is a creature leaving its DNA on my carpet because it wants to drag itself on his or her belly instead of using the four legs God gave it – good Lord!
I ask that folks leave their animals with a sitter. They sometimes get offended, but I’ll bet they don’t take their own children everywhere. It would be different if someone was bringing a trained chimpanzee with them; at least the ape could help me clean up.
I also ask that people take their shoes off when they come into the house. Just because you don’t see the poo and germs on them doesn’t mean it’s not there.
I once had to ask someone to put their foot attire back on as her feet were so dirty I felt sorry for her socks. I think she may have spent lots of time dredging canals with those feet.
For cryin’ out loud, is it too much to ask that someone not place wet towels on the bed? It’s a mountain home, not a beach resort – besides, it’s hard to tell if they’ve spilled a drink or peed the bed when they leave to go have fun for the rest of their day.
I also ask that folks not pull up to our house blasting music. We have a nice quiet neighborhood. One’s music should not have deer and squirrels running in terror.
I don’t like others to cook in my kitchen. Either I’ll cook, or we can go out for dinner.
The last time Uncle Vinny cooked in my kitchen, I had to call a company known for cleaning up crime scenes to help me. There was red spatter everywhere. How in the heck you get an entire Italian meal on the ceiling, I’ll never know.
I’ve also installed a small but visible fake camera by my bathroom medicine cabinet because I know people get curious and snoop. Let them think they got their picture taken while invading my privacy.
I tell my kids when they come home to visit that I am not a laundromat. If you’re staying two days but bringing a month’s worth of laundry with you, then please insert many quarters into my palm.
I’ve had to install a large baffle on the toilet to keep it quiet in the wee hours when I get up six to 10 times “to go” so as not to wake our vacationing guests from their precious slumber.
Company is nice on Zoom or FaceTime, but in person it can be stressful. Therefore, I believe it’s
OK to ask visitors to do or not to do certain things in order to save lots of money on bedding alternatives – and possibly bed bugs elsewhere.
However, I’ve recently discovered that telling folks they’re welcome to stay with us, but we’re always naked, works better at keeping them away than rules do.
We haven’t had anyone ask to stay with us in quite a while now – yay!
Anngee Quinones-Belian lives in Murphy. She loves humor and believes the world needs more of it. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.