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Now that Thanksgiving is over and Christmas is on the horizon, I started thinking about my favorite time of the year. Although Christmas is my favorite holiday, there are some frustrating elements that accompany all of its colorful splendor.
For starters, it frustrates me when folks don’t put things back on the shelf where they go at shopping establishments.
I was at a big box store in town a few days ago and found a life-size Grinch costume. I was excited to see a price of $12.98 on the shelf.
I scooped up the green suit and it’s large accompanying head and ran for to the register like my hair was on fire. The total for the item came to $104.
Apparently, it had been put in the wrong place leaving me feeling cheated. For a moment, I understood exactly why the Grinch has a bad attitude and shriveled little heart.
Another thing that bothers me is that I send out more than 100 Christmas cards with hand-decorated envelopes to some of my friends, but only get 12 back. Perhaps I’m just confusing them with some of the ones I’ve accepted on Facebook. Thank God I didn’t send cards out to all 2,874 “friends” online.
I’m the kind of person who gets really excited when a gift is given to me. When I give a gift to someone like my neighbor and all they say is, “Oh that’s nice, thanks” with no emotion, I’m left feeling like a balloon with a leak – for days.
It really bothers me around the holidays when I can’t find egg nog in the store. It only comes out once a year, for cryin’ out loud, so how hard can it be to order lots of it in advance for folks? Egg nog is so good that it’s well worth the barfy feeling it brings after drinking a quart.
I once saw two grandmotherly-like ladies in a store tugging on a doll because it was the last one, and they each wanted it for someone in their family. No one should fight around the holidays, for Pete’s sake.
There’s a passage in the Bible about two women arguing over a baby and who will get him. I’m paraphrasing because after being concussed a few times my memory sometimes fails me. I think one lady gave him up because she didn’t want him hurt and was like, fine, then you can have him.
So back at the store, both ladies fought over this doll until one was left holding a leg and the other the head. The rest was on the ground. One lady was arrested for battery, one left with a black eye and the store was out a sale because you can’t just sell doll body parts.
Another irritation at Christmas is the song, “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.” First of all, reindeer don’t just cruise the streets, they fly. When they are on the ground, they’re waiting for Mr. Claus before taking off.
I don’t know what scam they had going on the night they claimed she was run over, but that’s no way for the family to get on Santa’s good side. They say she was drunk but that wouldn’t have mattered as Santa would never fly that low to the ground, except when landing as he has to abide by Federal Aviation Administration rules. The whole story makes no sense.
Then there’s broken tree balls, tangled lights and holiday crowds to contend with, which is far less irritating than opening up the door to a caroler and seeing my Uncle Vinny. Merry Christmas everyone!
Anngee Quinones-Belian of Murphy is a staff correspondent for the Cherokee Scout. Her humor column runs every other week. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.