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I catch a lot of heat from family and friends who can’t imagine celebrating Christmas more then once a year. The way I see it is that the festive holiday isn’t celebrated enough.
So every July, I bring out the stored evergreen conifers from our attic and fully decorate them. My husband knows better then to not play Christmas music during the month, and I place peppermint candy around the house in dishes.
To satisfy those wanting to celebrate the Fourth of July, I combine both holidays so no one leaves the party unsatisfied.
While “White Christmas” is playing in the background, our guests are throwing horseshoes in the back yard and sipping on ice-cold lemonade.
While folks beat on a pinata for candy, we serve up burgers, hot dogs and a turkey with stuffing and cranberries.
Uncle Vinny is in charge of the dogs – not cooking them, because we can’t trust him with the grill. He just pulls them out of the package and hands them to the griller. The last time he used a grill, the dope set a nearby tree on fire and sent partygoers screaming in all directions.
He’s also not allowed to touch the fireworks, as he’s running out of body parts to lose.
Of course, we open gifts just like on Christmas. Last year, I got a new lawn chair to watch the fireworks from, and I gave my husband an apron to wear while he grills that reads: “Grillmaster – Be nice or I’ll burn your wieners.”
Our fireworks are not exactly legal, but display beautiful images of brightly colored Christmas trees with exploding gifts high in the sky for all to enjoy.
July is too hot to wear ugly sweaters, so everyone just wears ugly tank tops and competes for prizes – it’s a real hoot.
My aunt won first place this year for her decorated sleeveless tee of her pug dog named “Pugsy Malone” wearing a red, white and blue Santa suit. My uncle was ticked off because he never wins the contest, to which I let him know that ugly does not mean filthy – apparently he confuses the two.
I asked my aunt what she ever saw in my Uncle Vinny that created in her an overwhelming desire to say “I do” at the altar, but she just says he wasn’t this bad when they first got married. Still, my husband is not allowed to hang out with him.
We also play fun games, like egg toss and sack races, while kids run through the maze of blow-up yard decorations of Santa, all of his reindeer and Frosty the Snowman. We had to stop the “bobbing for apples” challenge after two partygoers went down in to the water for their fruit at the same time. They hit each other’s head so hard that one guy got knocked out and the other person ended up with a concussion and had to be taken by ambulance to the hospital. Why do these sort of things never happen to women?
Now that the Christmas in July party is over I must try and patiently wait for Christmas in December. I shouldn’t have to wait too long, however, as the stores should begin putting out their Christmas stuff in just a couple of months.
Anngee Quinones-Belian lives in Murphy. She loves humor and believes the world needs more of it. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.