"
They’re finally here, and what a treat.
Trillions of Brood X cicadas are now among us. After 17 years underground, there will be about 1.5 million of the sleepy-eyed bugs in my yard alone. I can’t spot one of these things in the daytime or at night, so I’d like to know who counted and reported there’s 1.5 million per acre.
As if my insomnia isn’t quite bad enough, now I’ll have all the noise from the cicadas to lull me into perpetual awakedness.
The males are the ones making all the commotion in an attempt to attract the females. Good lord, the last thing I’d want being a female is to come up on that many loud members of the opposite sex, even if I were just an insect.
Instead of making all that noise to attract their “chick counterparts” maybe they should just flaunt a hunted kill to impress them, perhaps a frog or small squirrel, that’s far more masculine.
These things are 1-2 inches long with a wingspan of 3-4 inches. They’re like millions of little drones in our yards. How can I rest assured that the government hasn’t seized this opportunity to slip a few of their own drones into the mix?
The noise these cicadas make when they’re near you is equivalent in decibels to that of a lawn tractor with a modified exhaust and muffler system or a Harley-Davidson motorcycle with skinny drag pipes.
I can’t imagine the volume for those folks who wear hearing aids at night while watching TV.
Now if you can catch them you’re lucky as they can be stir fried and eaten. They’re full of protein and sound crunchy, kind of like when a dental crown breaks apart while you’re eating peanut brittle.
They say cicadas taste like shrimp or cold asparagus, I think they taste like chicken, either way it may save a few bucks at the grocery store while they’re around.
Apparently, the cicadas aerate the soil and prune mature trees, which has me wondering why the heck I’m paying for a gardener.
All in all these creatures are good for your yard while damaging small tender plants, they make lots of music – if you enjoy millions of shaking Maracas inside your head and are a good source of food, although nasty to consider.
I have found out that the quickest way to have other folks around you don a mask, is if you have cicada on your breath ... good lord.
Anngee Quinones-Belian lives in Murphy. She loves humor and believes the world needs more of it. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.