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As Easter approaches the horizon, I got to thinking about the rabbit we let peruse our yards with colored eggs and get close to our children. I did a little unofficial research, and my findings left me feeling somewhat horrified.
For starters, Peter – or Mr. Cottontail if you prefer, – is not free of badness. The innocent-looking mammal was spotted last year tossing eggs off a hotel balcony during spring break. Not very becoming of a sweet ball of fluff.
Upon obtaining his rather lengthy public record, I found a few things that were quite disturbing.
Cottontail was arrested and charged on Easter 2001 with several counts of passing off counterfeit grass as the real thing across state lines. His sentence was reduced, and he only spent two nights in a cage before being released.
In 2004, the egg-carrying sweetheart was caught up in a brawl with his rodent cousin outside of an animal shelter. Apparently, Ratcliff and Cottontail came up on a “harey” group from a rough side of town known for its unsavory behavior.
Ratcliff was charged with one count of simple battery, while Cottontail was charged with two counts of battery and a weapon’s violation. Cottontail was confined to his rabbit hole for a week and had to wear an ankle monitor.
Then in 2010 after Easter, Cottontail was hospitalized and had his stomach pumped. The location of stolen Peeps from children’s Easter baskets the previous day were pumped into a hospital barf basin – proving he’s also been pilfering from the job.
Other violations that have hurt the bunny’s reputation include: participating in a rabbit riot over territory regarding “Easter turf.” However, no one was charged, as the hareline quickly receded when authorities rolled up on the scene.
The endearing profile of the Easter Bunny was once again tarnished in 2019 as charges were lodged against him for failure to provide baby bunny support to his 600 “bunny mamas” that he had been eluding.
It just seems to me that this public servant should be held more accountable, even if he only works one day a year.
For all his bad bunny behavior, he has only received two total nights in lockup and 15 hours of community service, which included picking up candy wrappers alongside the road and retrieving rotten eggs after the holiday. Perhaps luck is just on his side.
Now I like the Easter Bunny just as much as everyone else does – at least his goodies – I’m just sayin’ sometimes that lucky rabbit’s foot may have an ankle braclete attached to it – so be aware. Happy Easter!
Anngee Quinones-Belian lives in Murphy. She loves humor and believes the world needs more of it. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.