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No need to celebrate Halloween just once a year. The spooky holiday’s festivities occur everyday, and there are plenty of phobias to go around.
I don’t know in what lab someone decided to breed a wolf and a spider but just the other day one came up on me when I opened the door to our shed. That thing was so scary that I had to change a certain pair of garment I was wearing at the time.
It looked like a toupee with legs and he stared right at me with all of his eyes. I was so terrified I just slammed the shed door shut. I think I heard him knocking but I just ran. Thank God, he didn’t jump in my hair.
No one needs just one day a year to fear ghosts. I developed my fear of them as a child when my uncle came into my room wearing a sheet on Halloween rambling on about making me disappear. I was six months old at the time. Today I can’t sleep on white sheets because I’m scared they will somehow wrap themselves around me and carry me off to some undisclosed location. Thanks for the childhood memories, Uncle Vinny.
Now, I know I’m not
the only one afraid of clowns year round. When my four-year-old son wanted a party with a clown I made him choose between me and “It.” He chose me through his sad little tears but I didn’t care, he got a pinata instead of the clown and I got to sleep peacefully that night.
Dolls are right up there with clowns. They wouldn’t be so bad if their creepy little eyes didn’t follow me around the room watching everything I do. If I had
my way I’d put weights
on the darn thing and
take a boat ride out to the ocean for a little “dump”
but someone told me she would be worth money in the future so I keep her around but her eyes are blindfolded now and that helps a bit.
Caramelaphobia is the fear of candy and it’s a real thing. I understand if someone has sugarbetes or is prone to choking but I can’t imagine having anything but love for all the tasty morsels.
However, I was in the store the other day trying to decide which candy to buy for Halloweeners when I saw the increase in price which was pretty terrifying, so maybe that’s it.
I use to be afraid of pumpkins, which is known as cucurbitophobia, but when I realized they’re just gourds I couldn’t rationalize the fear since I’m not also afraid of gourd birdhouses and have two of them hanging just outside my bedroom window. The hypocrisy of it was too unsettling, so I stopped fearing them.
However, a few nights ago my husband brought home some sushi for dinner. He thought I’d like to try something new. When I opened the container and saw that one of the items was a “Spider roll” – I lost it.
Anngee Quinones-Belian lives in Murphy. She loves humor and believes the world needs more of it. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.