Tree ornaments tell a story – like tattoos

    So the other day I was helping a friend de-ornament her Christmas tree before storing it again until next year. As we were taking the dangley trinkets off her Frazier fir, I began to notice something.
    The ornaments started to tell a story of who my friend really was. For starters, I noticed an Eiffel Tower ornament, so I asked her where it came from. She informed me that she had gone to Paris recently with a friend.
    Mortified, I asked why I never knew about her trip, let alone her travel buddy since I thought she and I were besties. I asked if she was cheating on me with another best friend, but
she just said, “No,” while looking up and to her left. This body language observation is a tool used by law enforcement as a way to detect deceit, and I detected some.
    Now somewhat untrusting of her, I began scrutinizing the remaining ornaments we were removing. I discovered a few new things about my old friend that were unknown to me.
    Apparently, she likes possums wearing Christmas hats, pickles and Santas that appear to be mooning people – all of which she had adorning her living room conifer.
    Ornaments are like tattoos in that you can tell a lot about a person without them uttering a single word.
    I started looking closer at the ornaments of family, friends and even co-workers, and to my surprise I found a few that were interesting, if not downright scary.
    One neighbor had several clown ornaments on his tree – and not the kids party type of clown, but the kind that sneaks around in sewers and stars in movies. I left his place as fast as I could because I don’t just dismiss red flags, and I certainly didn’t want to end up running from him through the woods without decent cellphone service.
    Another neighbor had 20 different kinds of food ornaments hanging from his Christmas tree. What the heck is that all about anyway? I saw these food and snack tree hangers at a store last week, and even on sale they were kinda expensive. They represented everything from Cheez-Its and sunflower seeds to potato chips, candy, soda and Pop Tarts. I can understand these ornaments if one is a chef or a snack taster for a company, but he is neither.
    My neighbor is a bit porky, and he’ll even admit it, so for Pete’s sake why would one subject themselves to these snack temptations? This is kind of how Eve from the Bible got us all in trouble – feeding her temptation if you will. Subliminally, he’s setting himself up for a grocery cart filled with crap.
    A co-worker of mine hangs a large crown from her tree. I can’t help but wonder if she thinks she’s a queen or if she actually has a connection to one.
    Someone else I know hung a fork, spoon and knives on their Scotch pine. Who hangs cutlery on a tree, for cryin’ out loud? Perhaps they were just ornaments of convenience.
    Christmas ornaments aren’t just about shiny red and green balls anymore; these tree additions have evolved to tell a story or a least elude to a paragraph in someone’s life. I’m merely suggesting we be observant of these potential insights into the lives of those around us and maintain some sort of situational awareness.
    My husband gave me a gift ornament last year of a silver treadmill he had engraved with the words, “Let’s walk into a new year together.” I think he was trying to say that I’m fat. So I gave him one of a dog house with a sign over it’s opening that reads: “Welcome home” on it.
    Anngee Quinones-Belian lives in Murphy. She loves humor and believes the world needs more of it. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.