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Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, I had planned a nice morning for myself of just sleeping in until the evening news. I was exhausted because I had spent hours the day before preparing our Thanksgiving Day dinner and putting up with my Uncle Vinny. I needed a full day to recuperate and start acting like a human again.
It was barely into Friday morning when my lovely husband woke me up with two alarm clocks and him standing over the bed shaking me while uttering the words, “It’s Black Friday, it’s Black Friday!” The only thing I would be OK with waking up for before the rooster crows is someone telling me I had just won the Publisher’s Clearinghouse Sweepstakes. He was just telling me that some tools were on sale.
Because I love my husband and I know what he’s getting me for Christmas, I decided to drag my Raggedy Ann self outta bed at the horrific hour of 3 a.m. Good Lord, I had just crawled into bed two hours prior.
I layered my clothing because it was only 22 degrees outside at the time, grabbed a cup of coffee and walked slowly to the truck as if I were walking the plank of a ship.
After arriving at the store we waited outside for two hours until it opened. After all, we were looking for the good deals and had to get there early.
When the store finally opened, we rushed inside. My husband started looking for the deals; I was more concerned about my grayish looking fingertips.
I couldn’t believe the transformation of the human being from conversational and polite before the store opened to animalistic once inside. Folks were running around like deer during hunting season. The discounts turned each person into an every man for himself creature.
I watched a little old lady take a tool set from a much larger man. Perhaps it was because he was on crutches that she had the courage to swipe the metal commodity right from his fingertips.
Then I witnessed one woman hit another lady in the head and neck area in order to snatch a cheese and meat stick tray from her. No snack is worth a charge of battery and a court date. Cops did show up for that seasonal assault. The “snatcher” had some skills, too. She may have even been an MMA fighter because she was striking like one.
Meanwhile, my husband was perusing the store at a high rate of speed putting all the sale goodies into his cart. When I told him I would be back I had to use the restroom, he said I should have put on a pair of Depends like he did, then I wouldn’t need to take the time out. What has happened to society?
One store we went to had beds on display. I thought I’d make my way over and climb into one for just a few minutes, I was exhausted. Apparently, several other folks had the same idea because when I got to that department the beds were filled with sleeping patrons.
Cash registers sounded like the machines at the casino and clerks were moving so fast I actually saw the blur.
Our Black Friday shopping at several different stores, including a Walmart, was just like watching the evening news. I witnessed three arrests, 21 falls from shoving, heard 12 expletives from shoppers and saw one store clerk pocket, rather than ring up, a small meat and cheese tray.
I recall when folks fought over Cabbage Patch Dolls in stores years ago. One was my grandma. I would have never known when she gave it to me one Christmas, except that her arrest was filmed and appeared on the evening news.
Anngee Quinones-Belian of Murphy is a staff correspondent for the Cherokee Scout. Her humor column runs every other week. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.