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I believe Thanksgiving is the red-headed stepchild of the holidays as it’s nestled between two highly advertised and festive events.
Halloween and Christmas begin their yearly journey into awareness months ahead of their actual celebratory day. Thanksgiving, however, appears to rear its head a week or so before the fat bird lands on everyone’s table. It’s kinda sad really.
So, this Thanksgiving we’ve decided to go all-
out and have one heck
of a party, not just a quiet meal of bird, berries and biscuits. We’ve invited all our family members to join us, and yes, Uncle Vinny was invited because my husband reminded me that I’m still a Christian.
We’re planning on having all the traditional foods, with no tofurky or turducken. We’re gonna have veggies, and I like to keep my birds separate, not crammed up inside of each other like nesting dolls, for cryin’ out loud.
Uncle Vinny suggested we deep fry the turkey, but after he did that a couple of years ago and cost us a front door, some siding, two trees and a fire department report, I said, “Never again!”
He also asked if we could string the bird up outside and play pinata for its parts because he says he never gets the legs and thinks he could beat them off the bird with a stick. What a dope.
Of course, we’ll have Christmas music playing in the background, as always, and go around the table asking what everyone is grateful for. We’ll also be playing a few games like charades.
My uncle suggested a game of lawn darts. He’s got a set he’s had since the ’80s. When we played that game last July 4, he put two people in the emergency room with puncture wounds. They also needed tetanus boosters because the dart tips were rusty. No thanks.
About the only thing I’ll let that dope do for me in the future is maybe write our annual Christmas letter. How can anyone screw that task up?
The list of things I’m grateful for and will read on Thanksgiving evening include newsprint ink on my fingers every Wednesday, sweet tea and hungry people who patiently wait while I say grace, then continue on a side road of praying for everyone I know. I’m also thankful for the Christmas gifts I know are coming my way soon.
Every year, family members say they’re thankful for each other, which includes that walking disaster with a hairy chest and a wallet on a chain, Uncle Vinny. Perhaps he should just have his own fan club then.
I’m still mad at him for screwing up the time on all of our clocks when he put them ahead an hour instead of back.
Our Thanksgiving will be festive, loud and active. This year for Christmas, I bought my uncle a new jacket that I’m giving to him early. It has a large Velcro panel on the back. He’ll think it’s just the design, but I also covered a wall inside the hall closet with Velcro.
If he causes any trouble on Thanksgiving, I’m gonna lure him into the closet, shove him onto the wall and close the door. It’ll be like a time-out on steroids. I’m also grateful for temporary solutions.
Anngee Quinones-Belian of Murphy is a staff correspondent for the Cherokee Scout. Her humor column runs every other week. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.