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I think I owe my neighbors an apology and a six-pack of their favorite beer.
For a few years now, and with several police reports on file, I’ve been blaming them for bizarre patterns that have appeared on my property. I just assumed the vegetarians were coming over to my yard to graze while I was away. After all, my property does offer better vegetation than theirs, and I do have lots of edible wild violets.
The crop circles, although pretty, interfere with my gardens. I am also upset that the “No trespassing” signs were disregarded by whomever has been creating these ground patterns.
I’ve also had other strange things happen in my yard. Twice, I recall a very bright light shine through my bedroom window late at night. Well, actually once, as one of those times it was my Uncle Vinny searching for his cat. Why he thought it would be inside my bedroom at 3 o’clock in the morning, I’ll never know.
Anyway, the other bright light lasted about 30 seconds and was so bright I thought my walls may catch on fire. By the time I got out of bed with my shotgun, the light was gone.
I’ve also been hearing high-pitched sounds that are driving me nuts. I’m not completely blaming aliens for the sounds just yet, as my doctor said it could be the beginning of tinnitus – as if I didn’t have enough going on medically. Why couldn’t the sounds just resemble the cries of blue whales or rain forest birds like those of peaceful nature tapes, for cryin’ out loud.
Anyway, I do believe I’ve had alien activity going on in my yard as well as the air space above the property – which is technically mine also. I just can’t prove it yet.
I also can’t figure out how an 800-pound boulder just appeared in my yard several days ago. I have no idea whose likeness is carved into it, but it’s fairly creepy.
Two weeks ago, I had my soil tested for its pH level so I could determine what to add to the dirt for better gardening. The report came back showing some radio active elements as well as particles from another planet. How does one explain that? I sure haven’t taken any trips to Mars recently.
Other evidence includes a three-second phone video I took in the evening of a short, thin silhouetted person with an oddly shaped head perusing the neighborhood. Law enforcement said it wasn’t enough evidence and didn’t prove anything. Sure, it may have been a child in a dark hoodie, but I beg to differ.
A friend of mine is a retired Air Force pilot. He said there are aliens out there, and he’s even seen their aircraft. The next day, my friend handed me a booklet titled, “Projects of the Bluesbook,” which showed governmental proof of alien visits. He even allowed me to keep it since the information has been declassified. I’m glad to have it, as it disproves any craziness some people may think I embody.
If aliens want to visit earth without having to sneak around and evade folks, they should just take advantage of our Halloween holiday. They could walk among us without drawing attention to themselves. Parking the spacecraft may be challenging, especially downtown, but other than that they could pull it off fairly well.
I think they’d be a hit at any costume party or in any Halloween contest they entered while they were here visiting.
Anngee Quinones-Belian of Murphy is a staff correspondent for the Cherokee Scout. Her humor column runs every other week. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.