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God created men and women differently, and that’s a beautiful thing. However, sometimes the differences between the sexes aren’t so pretty.
For starters, nose-blowing tissues are disposable for a reason, so I don’t understand why some men carry around a nose rag or handkerchief in their pocket all day. What’s worse is they sometimes offer it to a lady with the sniffles, for cryin’ out loud.
I had a neighbor tell me once that when her hair dryer quit working, her husband went out to his shed and came back with a leaf blower. She was interviewing for a job that morning, and I doubt she would have gotten the manager’s position had she walked in with wildly blown wilderness hair.
Good thing her neighbor had a spare hair dryer. She ended up getting the job.
Men get to the point when they are telling a story or answering questions, but women must give a decade’s worth of back history first. That may come in handy, ladies, when you’re stalling so someone can run out the back door as cops breach the front, but not usually.
I’ve witnessed the bravest of men crumble when asked to purchase a sanitary product for the love of their life, yet a woman will buy their guy personal man powder or cream even if she’s mad at him, just because he asked.
Once my Uncle Vinny hit a squirrel by accident with his car. My aunt cried and was quick to make him stop and tend to it by providing a warm box, a bit of food and water, and a potential trip to the vet. He just wanted to put it out of its misery with the shotgun he had in a rack on the back window of his pink Cadillac.
He purchased the car from a retired top seller at Mary Kay Cosmetics. Luckily, the squirrel regained consciousness and took off running for its life.
My own sweet husband thinks it’s OK to wipe a spill up off the floor with the same sponge I wash our dishes with. Good Lord, I shudder to wonder if he has ever used it on the bathroom floor when I wasn’t looking.
Many men purchase a hot car when they reach a certain age, while women buy a fire extinguisher, fan and hormone replacement therapies.
My neighbor had four additional children even after a hard and painful labor with her first child. Her husband ran to her for help to remove a splinter in his hand while whining like a big baby. He ended up foregoing his new wood-carving hobby as a result of his microscopic injury.
They say women’s brains may process information faster and with greater efficiency than male brains. That’s probably why I’m still looking at the garbage I asked my husband to take out four days ago.
Sometimes men will lie about the size of the fish they caught, while ladies lie about how much money they spent on a new dress.
Some men will buy shampoo and also use it for their body, the dishes, their car, the dog, the garage floor and the grill, while a woman chooses shampoo because it moisturizes her tresses and smells good.
Men don’t understand why a woman needs another pair of shoes, while women can’t understand why a man would buy another fishing lure or save yet another empty box.
One thing’s for sure – we need each other, and women don’t always have a headache.
Anngee Quinones-Belian of Murphy is a staff correspondent for the Cherokee Scout. Her humor column runs every other week. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.