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So now that Christmas is over, it’s time to grab those unwanted Christmas gifts and hit the stores for refunds and some cold hard cash, which is actually a thoughtful gift contrary to popular belief.
My husband bought me a beautiful pair of flannel pajamas, he also gave me a set of sheets for Christmas. The problem is that both items are made of flannel. The first night I used them together I could not get out of bed in the morning. I was stuck down as if I were on a Velcro board.
Perhaps this was my husband’s way of keeping me in bed a little longer so that he could enjoy his morning cup of coffee in the living room.
The return of both items should garner about $150 in Cheetos and peppermint latte cash – whoo hoo.
When I received a box of underbritches for the holidays, I wasn’t as excited as the cheerful gift giver. For cryin’ out loud why don’t ya just throw in some body wipes and deodorant while you’re at it and give away my whole personal hygiene routine. Thank God, it wasn’t an office party gift exchange.
I got a do-it-yourself craft kit for snow globes for Christmas from my brother. Good lord, I don’t have time to go to the bathroom let alone prop my feet up with a hot cup of tea and create some dopey environment under glass. There’s another $12 toward my Cheetos fund.
A neighbor thought it would be wonderful to purchase a handy little vacuum cleaner for me. The last thing I want is a device to help me do my job or housework. What if I gave my accountant neighbor a stapler or a box of folders – would that be a happy gift? No, it would not.
My mom – sweet as she is, gave me a white shirt for Christmas but everyone knows ya can’t wear white after Labor Day for Pete sakes, so I’ll be applying another $15 towards my cash envelope once the refund goes through.
My girlfriend usually just gives away any unwanted gifts she receives so when a mutual friend asked me what to buy her I suggested a gift basket of various items I like. I asked my friend to give me anything she doesn’t need or want. She did and I got a basket filled with candles, soaps and lotions – just what I wanted. I don’t know how I forgot that she’s allergic to certain scents.
How someone can be both thoughtful and dumb at the same time, I’ll never know. Uncle Vinny gave me a box of ammo for Christmas, which would have been nice if he included the darn firearm. He said he kept the gun but gave me the second box of ammo as the sale was for buy one box, get one box free.
What can I expect from a guy who once gave me a can of spray tan for my son when he was just four months old?
Folks were good to me this Christmas as I garnered about $300 in refund money. Now I can purchase the things I really want which, when ya think about it, comes from those folks anyway.
Happy New Year – I hope everyone’s is as profitable as mine is starting out to be.
Anngee Quinones-Belian lives in Murphy. She loves humor and believes the world needs more of it. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.