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With the price of eggs these days, I’m thinking about buying a few chickens and growing my own eggs.
I’ve never owned an animal, with the exception of my son when he acts like one from time to time. I did have an ant farm once, but when a friend dared me to eat them, so that endeavor ended. I also had about 20 sea monkeys in an aquarium, but after one bit me I kinda flushed the rest down the toilet. At the time I was 9 years old, so please don’t judge me just yet.
Back to the chickens. It seems as though a lot of folks here in Cherokee County own chickens, so I think I’ll give it a whirl.
The first thing I was told I needed to do is purchase a chicken house and keep it warm for the birds, especially in the winter. Since I wanna be a good chicken parent, I’m not only going to keep it warm but will decorate the inside with various animal print wallpaper and blankets. I want my chickens to feel like they’re in a natural environment.
I was told they eat corn and some table scraps. That’s good because I’ll give them the occasional leftover steak or cheeseburger from time to time, as it’ll keep my husband from overeating.
I know I’ll need to put a fence around the chicken pen to keep other critters out. My Uncle Vinny once put an electrified fence around his chicken pen, but when he smelled fried chicken in his yard and saw that all of his birds were laying feet up, he got rid of the fence.
I’m also going to train my fowl to do a few tricks, like fetch a toy or pull a cord that closes the door on their chicken coop at night. That way, I won’t have to go out and do it.
I can’t wait to sew a little tuxedo and some other outfits for them to wear, like some folks do with their dogs.
Of course, pets need names. I think I’m gonna name one of them “Foxy” and the other one “Cadbury Von Belian.”
My neighbor says some chickens bond to their owners, so I’m going to work at making at least one of my chickens a lap bird. It would be nice to watch a movie at night and pet my lap chicken.
Folks have said chickens are relatively inexpensive to keep. However, I still plan on taking my chicks to the vet yearly. I’d also like to get my birds fixed just to be safe.
I had a couple of rabbits once and that ended up being a reproductive nightmare. Just in case my birds get out of the pen and get lost, I’m going to get them microchipped so they can be returned to me.
My husband said chickens are dirty creatures, but I reminded him of our first several dates and how patient I was with him. He’s just discouraging me from getting them because I said he’d have to give them their weekly bath.
Most folks just eat the eggs from their chickens, but would it be wrong to eat the bird in hard times even if it was a pet? I know I’d eat some family members if times got hard enough and there was plenty of barbecue sauce, so the chicken seems like fair game during an apocalypse.
I think I’ll teach my chickens to talk like parrots do. I’ll teach one to say, “The sky is falling,” while running around the yard. What fun!
Anngee Quinones-Belian of Murphy is a staff correspondent for the Cherokee Scout. Her humor column runs every other week. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.