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A friend of mine called a few days ago, saying she was walking down the street by her house when she was robbed. She wasn’t hurt, but apparently someone came up and snatched her 180-pound purse and the necklace she was wearing. She summed it up as being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Let’s examine this more closely, as I believe it could happen to someone we know or even ourselves in the future.
I asked what she was doing at the time of the alleged crime, and she said she was just walking home minding her own business. After a few moments of badgering on my part and her calmer recall of the situation, she admitted she looked down at her phone for just a second when it all happened.
For starters, nobody looks at their phone for just a second, as that always leads to something, which leads to something else and ends up on Facebook, checking out the thousands of friends one allegedly has. That’s all I needed to know in order to sum up what happened to my friend that day and where she went wrong.
She was so busy looking at things other than her surroundings that she never noticed the group of 20 gang members with tattoos, swinging chains right across the street from her.
She left that morning with the contents of her entire house in a shoulder bag. At least that’s how it may have looked to the bad guys. Men leave home with a wallet and keys – women leave with everything they own. For cryin’ out loud, you’re going to work or the store; what could one not live without for a few hours?
One of the items in her bag was a chew toy – she doesn’t even own a dog. She said it was in case she saw a playful canine. So should I carry around a formal gown just in case I get invited to the ball? She would have been better off carrying an aggressive teacup poodle in her bag over just the toy alone.
My friend also wore an expensive gold necklace. She should have at least painted a green line around her neck to make the thing look cheap and as though it were tarnishing.
She also looked like an easy target by wearing high heels and a non-combatant mini-skirt in the evening. Had I seen her that day, I may have robbed her myself – and she’s my friend.
She had no self-preservation tools on her, such as a can of gang member spray or a telescoping fork that’s handy for eye gouges. She could have at least worn a T-shirt that reads, “My boyfriend is out on parole.”
She has sloth-like fingernails she could have filed to sharp points before going out or wrapped her biceps in bubble wrap, making it appear as though she could offer a serious beat-down to someone if she wanted to.
All I’m saying is that it’s a good idea to be prepared when out and about, especially when alone.
I always go out with a crazy look in my eye and weapons on my body. If I’m ever really worried about my safety, I just bring my Uncle Vinny with me. Even his pastor runs far away when he sees that hot mess coming toward him.
Anngee Quinones-Belian lives in Murphy. She loves humor and believes the world needs more of it. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.