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I spent my whole life working hard while looking forward to the day I could quit. Retirement was a dream waiting to happen – but, boy, was that a blurry eye-opener.
I budgeted properly so I wouldn’t run out of money, made plans for the rest of my life and said goodbye to my co-workers. The company’s going-away party was amazing, and I got some cool parting gifts.
Shortly thereafter, I started picking out books that I wanted to read, bought a cat and planned on taking a crocheting class. I kicked up my feet and took a nap.
Not long after I woke up, I noticed my knee was aching, so I made an appointment to see the doctor.
She did an evaluation, only to determine that the cause of my knee pain was arthritis. A week later, I noticed my vision changing again, and my feet ached. I was given several prescriptions and told that it was all age related.
A few months later, I noticed some young kids playing their music, which irritated me because I had been napping again. Plus, some things I use to eat began to upset my stomach.
Anyway, I started gardening, joined a couple of groups and did some volunteering. My life was suddenly very full again. Before long, I no longer had any time to just sit and relax.
I now spend just as much time going to different doctor appointments as I do going to my volunteer groups. How did I get so busy? After all, I’m retired. In fact, I can’t even imagine how I would do it all if I had a job now. How did I do it all back then?
Anyway, my fashion magazine subscriptions began taking a back seat to mailed promotions for hearing aids, walk-in tubs and medical alert devices – good Lord.
It wasn’t long before my knees hurt too much to play racquetball, and I started getting tons of age-related spam calls. I started to feel as though I should have just stayed in the workforce, at least I felt better.
Age-related (because I’m not rich) retirement has come with some side effects I didn’t really expect. Good Lord, I only recently retired, how did all this stuff creep up on me without my noticing?
Adding to my daily irritants is the fact that I can no longer be more then a few yards away from a bathroom. I didn’t know if I should move the bathroom into my bedroom or if I should just fill the tub with my blanket and some pillows. I tried the latter only to discover “making the tub” was too hard on my back when bending over, and there wasn’t much room for me to add all my decorative pillows.
My vision has changed so much that my readers are manufactured by Hubble Telereaders. I see the dentist as much as I brush my teeth, and I had to take a lip-reading course because I can hardly hear folks talking.
My memory isn’t too bad yet, except that I forgot how to adjust the volume on my new medical alert device. I thought I had a cat, but I haven’t seen him in a few days, so I don’t really remember if I did.
However, there are some benefits to aging, like coupons for early bird dinners, farting without being the butt of jokes and not having to run anymore, which can kinda suck if someone wants your purse.
Just the other day, I was squinting because the sun was in my eyes while carrying a bag with a few items from the grocery store. Nine people ran over and offered to help me, which was nice.
Oh, wow, a lovely cat just showed up at my doorstep. He’s awful friendly toward me, kinda like he knows me. I think I’ll just keep him, I’ve always wanted a cat.
Anngee Quinones-Belian of Murphy is a staff correspondent for the Cherokee Scout. Her humor column runs every other week. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.