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With Father’s Day almost here, I find myself wondering what it would have been like had I been born the child of a famous father.
My dad was a financial wiz, so my allowances were timely and budgeted. He expected proper spending and couldn’t understand why I carried a “D” average in math, as he expected a lot from his children.
I shudder to think what |it would have been like
had my name been Anngee Einstein. Good lord, I simply could not have lived
up to that level of intelligence.
For starters, holding a 2.0 grade-point average would not have pleased my Father Albert. As if that wouldn’t have been bad enough, having kids tease me with a phrase like, “Way to go Einstein,” would have been a nightmare for me.
However, taking him to school with me on career day may have influenced the teacher to automatically bump up that GPA of mine. I’m certain my science project would have turned out better or at least gotten finished had Einstein helped me with it.
Perhaps I would have given Pop a haircut gift certificate over a tie for Father’s Day had he been my dad.
What if my dad had been Stephen King? I already have serious issues with clowns and leprechauns, for cryin’ out loud. It’s not good for a child to sleep with one eye open on a regular basis.
What would I have said to him had he suggested a clown for one of my birthday parties? Sounds like a “setup” to me, well, no thank you to the ‘round-the-clock nightmares.
I’m relieved that I wasn’t born to Sigmund Freud, either. Having everything I did analyzed would have felt like a perpetual trial. Somehow, I imagine that playing with Barbie and Ken dolls would have been horrifying had Freud been my Pop.
I would have been terrified calling Mo from the Three Stooges my daddy.
I suffer enough from my own clumsiness without having him around. Not to mention, that kind of haircut begs for trouble.
Kids don’t get a choice of hairstyles, you get what Pop wants to pay for and ya know what they say, “Like father, like son” (or daughter). I can just imagine what my driver’s license photo would have looked like.
I thank God I never had to give Jack Nicholson a Father’s Day card. I cannot imagine being around someone that angry. I think he could have taken more than my allowance away from me on one of his bad days. Even though letting your kid ride around the house on a Big Wheel is pretty cool, I’d rather not take the good with the bad.
I must say that I’m grateful for the dad I grew up under. I had to pull weeds, tell my brother I was sorry when I wasn’t and eat asparagus. Occasionally, I was denied allowance, an outing or an item I wanted. All in all, I had it pretty good and am thankful for my earthly dad.
Above it all, I’m the child of a King. Happy Father’s Day to all dads.
Anngee Quinones-Belian lives in Murphy. She loves humor and believes the world needs more of it. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.