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I’m excited to be celebrating my eighth-favorite holiday.
July 4 always brings with it fun festivities peppered with a few epic fails.
Weenie roasts and pet parades that cram small animals into tiny tees and tutus for human enjoyment are all part of this amazing American celebration.
I’ve always enjoyed picnics and fireworks but let’s face it, things can go south real quick if you or your partygoers aren’t careful.
A friend of mine once had her hair go up in flames from holding a sparkler too close to her head. She did have recently processed tresses so that may have been a contributing factor. This is why I don’t stand close to heat sources shortly after getting my hair bleached.
Fireworks are all fun and games until somebody’s chicken co-op catches on fire. This may explain why there’s a faint smell of baked chicken in the air as the evening goes on.
Although we are gathering in groups more often now, we should still be careful not to get too close to other picnickers, just to be safe. Of course if you see someone choking on a “pig in a blanket” I think folks would be OK with you busting through the 6 feet distancing rule, I mean as opposed to just standing there watching, of course.
Keep in mind when purchasing fireworks that most of them are not really legal to set off. My cousin was nailed for firing off a round from a grenade launcher and setting off two M-80s in his front yard, he claimed he was able to purchase them (from whom I’d like to know) so he should be OK using them as well, good lord. The money we had to shell out for his bail could have gone towards more sparklers and burn cream.
Although I don’t have the statistical data in front of me, I’m willing to bet the number of hospital visits on July 4th are fairly high.
Folks shouldn’t shoot their firearms up in the air either. Those bullets do fall back down and sometimes on someone’s head. It happened to my brother, luckily the hit to his head did bring back some of his lost memory but that’s not always the case.
Now if you’re one of those people like my cousin, who launches fireworks right from or off of your body, stop it, you’re ruining it for the rest of us with your stupidity. I hope everyone has a wonderfully safe Fourth of July.
Anngee Quinones-Belian lives in Murphy. She loves humor and believes the world needs more of it. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.