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Don’t be fooled by those who claim home remedies will create a more youthful appearance. I’ve discovered that if beauty comes at all, it comes at a price.
Last week I tried that “tea bag thing” in an attempt to alleviate puffiness under my eyes. It’s suggested that one place moist tea bags over each eye, as something in the tea is supposed to reduce the swelling.
I decided to give it a whirl and made a cup of tea. I just about burnt my eyeballs right outta their sockets.
For cryin’ out loud, when it was all said and done, I had second-degree burns and swelling under each eye, on top of the original puffiness.
With only one failed attempt to create a more youthful appearance, I thought perhaps I shouldn’t give up so easily.
I read something once about placing cucumber slices over your eyes to eliminate the same issues. OK, cucumbers are harmless, and certainly the lesser of two evils. I decided to give it a shot.
During dinner, I placed my salad’s cucumber slices aside for later use.
That evening, I put a cucumber slice over each eye lid and nodded off to sleep.
Several hours later, I was awakened by the muffled sound of someone asking if I was OK. I quickly got up and washed the Bleu cheese off my face.
It took a doctor’s visit to remove the chunks of Bleu cheese imbedded in my ear canal. Needless to say, I felt pretty stupid.
It didn’t help when my doctor stated that food goes in the mouth, not the ears.
I gave up on my face and switched to my hair instead.
I read somewhere that beer is good for hair.
I went out and bought the strongest beer I could find. I washed my hair with it and proceeded to spritz my hair with the beer throughout the day. I was proud of myself, as I was sure I’d have stunning tresses.
I was mortified when I was pulled over later that evening by a cop for a missing tail light.
The officer asked me if I had been drinking. I let him know I never touch the stuff. It was obvious he didn’t believe me, as he pointed to a white line on the side of the road and asked me to walk on it.
It didn’t don on me until after I had completed all his roadside tests, and he let me go with a warning, that the smell was emanating from my golden locks.
I tried several other beauty tips, and here’s what I’ve discovered.
If you take an oatmeal bath because it’s good for your skin – be careful, you may find oatmeal in places ya never knew existed, and it’ll itch there, too.
They say that egg is good for your face, but fail to mention that if you lick your lips while it’s on, you could end up with salmonella poisoning.
Now heed this warning – if you’ve heard that slathering your feet with Vaseline before bed helps to soften calluses, beware – that first step outta bed in the morning could be your last as you slide from one end of the room to the other.
In all my findings, I’ve come to this conclusion. Beauty is fleeting, and the pain to acquire it is not always worth the temporary gain.
Then again, I’ve heard folks talk about how wonderful bleach is at whitening teeth. I’m sure I have some in the laundry room …
Anngee Quinones-Belian lives in Murphy. She loves humor and believes the world needs more of it. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.