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August is a hot and boring month but it does harbor a few holidays that many of us may be unaware of so let’s take a look at some potential celebratory days and plan a few parties – or not.
Aug. 1 is International Child Free Day. This noted holiday is ridiculous as anyone with kids knows you need more than a single day a year to have a sitter take the kids so you can party but if the day allows me to just get my nails done, I’m in.
Take a Penny/Leave a Penny Day is another special holiday in August. My question is that if you take a penny and then leave one, what have you gained? It hardly seems worth the effort to put a party together for it. However, if the holiday provides another day to have a BBQ and listen to some music then I’ll throw a penny in and raise a soda toast.
National Play Outside Day is on Aug. 5. My mother used to milk this single day by telling me to go outside and play every day. She’d even tell me to drink out of the hose when I was thirsty. The water tasted rubbery but she still seemed to enjoy the holiday that was in her favor.
National Underwear Day also falls on the fifth of August and is somewhat confusing. Are we to celebrate those who don underwear or those that don’t? Either way, a lot of folks on one side or the other won’t be able to celebrate this holiday, at least not honestly anyway.
Another holiday in this boring month is Playing in the Sand Day. This one is ridiculous. Perhaps in the future they can add a new holiday to the calendar: Go See a Doctor and Get Cream for Ringworm and Hookworm Day. Good Lord.
National Middle Child Day is a holiday for whiners. My brother’s a middle kid and he was always crying, about how unfair life was to him. He got upset that the youngest never got in trouble and that the eldest child always got what they wanted. Poor pitiful him. This holiday should actually be named: Marcia, Marcia, Marcia Day.
Somebody somewhere came up with the idea that folks everywhere should celebrate their feet with a holiday, so National I Love My Feet Day was born and placed on Aug. 17. Only a very small number of people can truly party on the day. Most feet are knarley and not really deserving of a special day. What’s with the little toe anyway? Take a look at that thing, it’s always leaning on its side. However, I’ll play the game and celebrate the day if that “litte piggy” gets me invited to a party somewhere.
National Mail Order Catalog Day on Aug. 18 isn’t very specific and since I don’t know if we’re supposed to celebrate catalog products or brides I’ll just leave that one alone.
Aug. 22 is National Take Your Cat to a Vet Day but for those who are employed by a veterinarian, it’s really just take your cat to work day.
Crackers on the Keyboard Day is somewhat discriminatory as not everyone who works can celebrate. I had a boss once who posted signs around the office reading: “No eating or drinking by computers” so how’s that fair? (No, I’m not a middle child).
Let’s hear it for International Hangover Day in the happy month of August. Those parties must be a real hoot as drinkers around the world gather to lay on floors and across tables with some occasional barfing in the mix. Hungover partygoers can then leave with such parting gifts as aspirin, tissues and to-go cups of coffee. Good times.
I think the month of August should have a day or two of Let’s Celebrate Christmas Again holidays in it. Who doesn’t like a party with gifts, eggnog and tangled up Christmas lights?
Anngee Quinones-Belian lives in Murphy. She loves humor and believes the world needs more of it. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.