You’re so Cherokee County if you can laugh

By Harrison KeelyGuest Columnist

Editor’s note: Some areas have lists that celebrate and have fun with local people, places and things. Send us any ideas you have so we can keep this one going here.

You’re so Cherokee County if …

  • You don’t believe round pegs fit in square holes.
  • You haven’t been able to eavesdrop on your neighbors since the crypto mine opened next door.
  • You refer to the police department as “Murphy’s law.”
  • You submit selfies to the Valley River Arts Guild’s downtown art contest.
  • You still check local Dumpsters for FBI most-wanted criminals.
  • You thought a “social district” was a group on Facebook.
  • You’ve stopped tourists from entering ShoeBooties to buy footwear.
  • You still call Erlanger Western Carolina Hospital by its “true” name.
  • Your favorite Christmas song is “Run, Run, Rudolph.”
  • You know Big Frank.
  • You prefer going to another state to buy gas.
  • Your idea of fun is launching pumpkins 300 feet into the air with a giant trebuchet.
  • You have to remind people the state doesn’t end at Asheville.
  • You stash money under your mattress in case you ever need to call 911.
  • You have friends in high places. Well, high-elevation places.
  • You make reservations for the DMV, but not for Valentine’s Day.
  • Your school used to literally be a prison.
  • You go to the Henn to watch “chick” flicks.
  • You miss the Possum Drop. And Miss Possum Drop.
  • Your favorite restaurant smuggles its chicken sandwiches from across the Georgia border.
  • Your child’s school confiscates more e-cigarettes than it does cell phones.
  • You go out of your way when you’re at the beach just so you can say you drove Murphy to Manteo.
  • You know who Abraham Lincoln’s real dad is.
  • You think the waterways should be controlled by the “NCVA.”
  • You’re still waiting to learn why The Learning Center closed.
  • You tell your mother you spend all
  • Your free time “at the Parson’s” – and you mean it.
  • Going to church is a family reunion.
  • Your idea of an Appalachian Driving Experience is navigating your driveway.
  • You wonder whether inflation is helping West Tubing Co.
  • You changed your address from Hanging Dog to Murphy when you joined PETA.
  • You buy your kids’ school clothes at thrift stores but tell commissioners to send a $50 million grant back to the state.
  • You can’t decide which river to go whitewater rafting on.
  • Your favorite part of driving into Tennessee is the higher speed limit.
  • You stop by the local Realtor to sit at your old coffee counter.
  • You get urgent care in a log cabin.
  • You’ve considered opening a bed and breakfast called “Murphy beds.”
  • You’ve been considered for the job of Andrews police chief.
  • You bragged that Mark Meadows was your representative until Congress held him in criminal contempt.
  • The only streaming platform you like is the one you fish from.
  • You’ve thought a restaurant should open next to the hospital lab called “The Peachtree Dish.”
  • You brag about having the largest Ten Commandments in the world, then immediately check the Guinness Book of World Records to make sure you’re not lying.
  • You get your politics from Cherokee Guns’ billboards.
  • You have to explain to tourists that Brasstown Valley Resort is not in Brasstown.
  • Your shed has a shed.
  • You remember Doyle’s Cedar Hill Restaurant, Parker’s Drug Store, The Hillbilly Mall, District Memorial Hospital, Piggly Wiggly and The Sirloin.
  • When your boss sent you to the store to buy Post-It notes, you came back with a stack of “No Trespassing” signs.
  • You shrug when you hear North Carolina’s under a hurricane warning.
  • Relatives think your child is cursing every time he tells them the name of his school.
  • Your vet offers punch cards for spaying and neutering. Tenth one’s free. 
  • You use your $60,000 SUV as a pickup. 
  • You want the trains to come back but never rode them while they were here.
  • You thought Snap-On produced fruity beverages.
  • Your nightmares involve school consolidation.
  • You tell friends you know someone on the board of NASA.
  • You thought kudzu was North Carolina’s state flower.
  • You can drive to five other state capitals faster than you can to your own.
  • You ate farm-to-table before it was cool.
  • You live in the most beautiful place on Earth.

The writer is a resident of Brasstown.