Valentines Day can be a tricky holiday to navigate if one has experienced the loss of a loved one through divorce, betrayal or even death.
Dr. Paul Greene of the Anxiety & Depression Association of America writes, “Valentine’s Day can be a depressing affair.” In his article “Dealing with Valentine’s Day depression,” he instructs readers to not ignore their feelings that well up in the aftermath of an important relationship.
“While it may be tempting to ignore or avoid these feelings; it’s important to let ourselves feel them,” Greene wrote. “The best way out is through.” Adding, “Emotions of all kinds, including feelings of rejection, help shape our inner lives and can sometimes feel overwhelming.”
He suggests that a way through the emotional distress is to remember that these feelings are temporary and will eventually pass.
However, waiting for these feelings to pass becomes challenging on a day meant to celebrate romantic relationships. Even in Cherokee County, many restaurants and pubs were geared up for couples.
ShoeBooties Cafe, for example, dedicated their entire dining room to couples. Anderson Dakota, manager of the downtown Murphy restaurant, said, “The bar will be open so the singles can go up there.”
While that may be tempting for the sad and lonely, Greene advises against it.
“Using alcohol, marijuana, Xanax, Klonopine or other drugs to numb our emotions can be very tempting when we are experiencing feelings of rejection, despair and loneliness,” he said. “They may provide some short-term relief, the longer term consequences can cause bigger problems.”
The Valentines celebration at Chevelles made more concessions to those who might wander in without a hand to hold. While all the tables were covered in white linen, they had booths reserved for those uncoupled.
Server Nova Stalcup said, “It is a laid-back place where singles can still enjoy the live music and drinking,” despite being surrounded by fancy couples.
Joshua McQuillen of Parson’s Pub said they served boneless ribs and potatoes for the holiday, conceding that the meal probably didn’t have much to do with romance. They did serve Chocolate Mousse for Lovers, but a bar is much easier place than a more formal restaurant to blend in and enjoy the chatter of other people without feeling noticed as un-chosen.
Greene offers insight into battling feelings of “no-one wants to be with me or I’m too boring to love.” He advises, “Separate thoughts from feelings. By distinguishing our feelings from our thoughts, we may find that the thoughts don’t stand up to scrutiny.”
But Valentine’s Day may not be all pretty dresses and champagne even for couples. The Better Business Bureau issued a warning just before the holiday for people using dating apps.
Julianna O’Rork, vice president of marketing and communications for the BBB, cautioned, “Be careful and watch for scammers who only love your money.”
She elaborated, “Scammers are using people to funnel stolen money out of the county. This may look like a classic romance scam but the victims are tricked into illegal activity and can be prosecuted.”
Closer to home, Mountainside Credit Union of Waynesville also warned the public with tips to avoid the “Romance Scam,” which succeeds on the premise that the scammer is in love with the victim and uses those stoked emotions to solicit money from them.
For most people, Feb. 14 is a fun holiday to dress up, eat red velvet cake and kiss a lot. But for the lonely, Feb. 15 comes as a welcome relief.