Local woman
escapes abuse
Murphy – Some girls don’t make it.
Across the state, 65 people didn’t make it this year as victims of domestic violence. One out of every three women, and one out of every five men, are victims of domestic violence in their lifetime.
Those loves tragically lost will be remembered at 4 p.m. Friday during Reach of Cherokee County Inc.’s annual “Shatter the Silence” ceremony at Murphy First United Methodist Church. One local woman was fortunate not to end up as part of those 65.
Becky, who wished to remain anonymous, has seen it with her own eyes. She’s had friends say their husband would kill them if he knew about something, and saw they meant it by the look in their eyes. She didn’t seek help for her own issues with abuse until she was almost killed.
“There’s hope,” she said. “I’m proof of it.”
In the last four years, she’s been seeking help from Reach of Cherokee County. She’s been through a lot in that time to get to where she is today, and sometimes would come back for help in worse shape than she was before.
“All I ever wanted was to have somebody to love me,” she said. “Sometimes you have to start loving yourself first.”
Her abuse started when she was only 6 years old. Her mother was in and out of relationships, and one of the men sexually abused her. Another would get drunk, popping her so hard once that he knocked out a tooth. Her mom eventually went to jail, and at 14 years old, she knew what it was like to be starving.
At 10 years old, she started cutting herself and didn’t stop until she was 23 years old. At 14 years old, she started a drug addiction – first with pain pills, then marijuana, tried cocaine once, then finally meth. She struggled with meth for eight years.
“You find comfort in that addiction from all that abuse,” she said.
Cecilia Crawford-Faulkner, executive director of Reach of Cherokee County, said a majority of victims self-medicate in order to cope with the abuse.
Becky got married at 16, and they were married for 16 years. She and her husband both were addicts – she smoked hers, while he was a needle user. He didn’t get abusive until she had her last child with him. Both of his parents had just died, and he was upset his father didn’t get to see the baby.
“He turned for the worst,” she said. “Before that, he was a big Teddy bear.”
She had pills prescribed for pain, but he tossed them on the floor and stomped on them. Then he shot at her with her own pistol.
“I was in shock,” she said.
Her life began to change while laying in a hospital bed, looking up at the ceiling. She told God that if He helped her through this, she would never look back.
She ended up getting the help she needed, but would find herself telling people they got in a fight instead of saying he beat her. She said she still loves him, and always will.
Since then, she has found it hard to be in a relationship. She’s found herself treating others the way she was treated, and found more abuse. In one relationship, she was choked out.
“It’s crazy,” she said. “After he choked me out, I got up and walked away. I didn’t even cry.”
She said the support system at Reach has been amazing. They always welcome her with open arms, no matter what.
Reach of Cherokee County provides assistance with shelter, court and hospital accompaniment, obtaining a protection order, individual support, support groups and referrals. The Crisis Hotline is available 24 hours a day, every day of the week at 837-8064.
Last year, Reach received 3,886 crisis calls and helped 670 victims. All services are free and confidential.
Crawford-Faulkner said the rate of domestic violence has gone up this year from one in four women and one in seven men. More is being reported, plus the abuse is more violent since COVID isolation.