Nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million people.
Every 9 seconds in America, a woman is assaulted or beaten. Intimate partner violence accounts for 15 percent of all violent crime.
Last year, Reach of Cherokee County served more than 600 clients, including 62 sexual assaults. The crisis hotline – 837-8064 – received more than 4,000 calls for service.
“These numbers are steadily increasing as we continue to bring awareness and outreach to the county,” Reach advocate Jessica Vernon said. “Even though we have served close to 700 clients last year, we know there are still so many more that chose not to report.”
There is also a service available through Legal Aid of North Carolina in Hayesville or Sylva that will help domestic violence victims obtain a free attorney.
Even more alarming, 19 percent of domestic violence involves a weapon. That makes one local woman’s story particularly frightening.
One woman’s story
The woman, whose name is being withheld to protect victims of domestic violence, became involved with a man in 2016. He had a history of alcoholism, but he had been through a program and seemed clean and sober.
After they were married, her new husband made an alarming move.
“We were at the grocery store, and he started putting beer in the cart,” she said. “I asked him what he was doing, and he said, ‘We’re married now, I don’t have to listen to you anymore.’ ”
When her husband began going on drunken binges, he began to exhibit all the classic behaviors – jealousy, controlling behavior, and isolating her from family and friends.
Around Christmastime, he took it up a notch, screaming at her repeatedly and threatening to shoot her and her dog. When they split temporarily, he called and said he would never do it again, etc. – another textbook marker of chronic domestic violence.
Her husband would not take steps to correct his alcohol problem, though, opting only for detox instead of actual alcohol rehabilitation.
“Detox just gives you the drugs until you can actually collect yourself and doesn’t solve anything,” she said. “Rehab makes you become accountable for what you have done, but he would not that.”
He got drunk one day at work and called her for a ride home around noon, but she would not go. He called a dozen or more times, and still she would not respond.
When he finally got home, he went into his room and slammed the door. Later in the evening, he was waiting for her when she came out of the kitchen.
“He was waiting for me,” she said. “He had plenty of nasty words for me, and he grabbed my arm and threw me down the stairs.”
‘They saved my life’
She fell hard enough to hit her head and bleed all over the wall. She hid in the dark with the lights out and called 911.
When the officers came, one of them went into the bedroom where her husband was barricaded and found him with a loaded gun.
“They probably saved my life,” she said.
She took out a protection order on him. However, she said even that was a difficult process.
“My mind was in a fog while filling out the paperwork, and I just wanted to tell someone face to face what happened,” she said.
She eventually got that help from Reach, which helps victims of domestic violence.
“We stay with our clients throughout the entire process, starting before they need the protection order until they no longer need or want services,” Vernon said. “We guide the clients through the rigorous court process beginning with the domestic violence protection order. Unfortunately, this is where some clients will get turned down for their ex-parte (temporary protective order), and they think about giving up.
“We encourage them to continue with the process; however, some decide it’s too much for them. For those who continue, we are there to hold their hands and support them. We attend every court appointment they have to make sure the case is moving forward. We also stay in contact with the detectives and assist them with any extra information they need for the case.”
Her husband only spent 48 hours in jail and had to be supervised when he came to the house to collect personal items. When officers went through the house looking for weapons, there was one gun missing that she knew about.
“He must have smuggled it out in his clothes hamper or something,” she said. “A drunk like him with a loaded gun … no piece of paper is going to save me.”
Gun still missing
She refused to drop the charges, despite being advised at times to do so, as she knew another woman who was intimidated into doing so and fell into the cycle all over again.
He received 18 months of supervised probation, but the appeal process dragged out for seven months. In the meantime, she had cars watching her at the house, which she documented with photos and videos.
Once the appeal was dropped, she then had problems with her ex-husband’s parole officers; the first was “way too lenient,” while the second did not even look at his criminal record, which included abuse in the past. She asked them to go looking for the gun, which they refused to do because “there was not enough probable cause.”
She also had to endure lies and threats to turn over her own possessions to him because he attempted to lay claim to them. And no one would help her find the missing gun, which is still missing today.
“The biggest problem our clients face is the laws have not caught up to the crimes,” Vernon said. “We are not always able to get the results that are needed or hoped for. However, having someone support them and go through the process with them helps get them through and can start the healing process.”
In this case, the victim learned quite a bit. She advised anyone else going through it to stick to their convictions and know their rights.
“Stay with it, don’t drop it and listen to your attorney or your case worker from Reach,” she said.