Editor’s note: This story was shared with the Cherokee Scout through tear-filled eyes and saddened hearts. The names of the victim and family members have been changed to keep anonymity.
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In the span of a year, Reach of Cherokee County Inc. has answered 90 sexual assault calls in the area, not to mention the cases that went unreported. According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, out of every 1,000 sexual assault cases, only 240 are reported to police – and out of that number, only 46 reports lead to an arrest – which means three out of four cases go unreported.
Victims often don’t report their abuse out of fear, retaliation or because the matter feels too personal, according to RAINN.org. One local family knows all too well the heartache of losing a loved one because of abuse not being not reported.
Sisters Jackie and Carla tell the story of their strong-willed, kind soul of a sister, Mary, and how sexual assault and domestic violence led to the family’s worst nightmare coming true. The sisters said their sister was caring, sweet and a light in their family. She had a close relationship with their father, who was like her best friend.
Things began normal in the relationship between Mary and her abuser. However, soon he showed the family a glimpse into the monster he could and would become.
“He was a really likable guy, outgoing and funny,” Carla said. “They had a normal marriage on the outside.”
Living nightmare
But on the inside, Mary’s abuser was a living nightmare, as he would monitor the mileage in her car, read and question her texts and phone calls, and he would even lock her outside of the house at night if he felt she did not meet his standards.
“They had broken up for a time when they were dating, and they dated other people,” Jackie said. “They eventually got back together, but from that point on, the ‘other man’ was a fixation for him, and he always harped about the ex-boyfriend.”
Carla said her sister should have won an Oscar for her acting abilities because the family didn’t notice the abuse for a long time. However, once Mary’s abuser lost his job and took all of their income for a drug problem, the abuse became evident.
“He had locked her out one night, and she had taken something to help her sleep. The next morning when she went to work, she was intoxicated and they fired her,” Jackie said. “She came to work for the family business and would ask for her paycheck sometimes before she had worked.”
Soon, all of the possessions were being sold, and they lost everything. He lost his job, and Mary was supporting the family.
“He started taking all the money to buy pills. It got to where he was selling everything,” Carla said. “He developed a drug addiction. It got so bad, Mary lost her job because he would keep her up all night, and she would take something to try to stay awake for work. She lost her job, and they had no income.”
Carla said Mary began working for the family and would ask for paychecks in advance. Her sisters remembered trying to get Mary to leave the situation, but she would always go back.
Enough was enough
When their car was wrecked and the drug addiction got worse, Mary decided enough was enough. She finally was able to get him to leave.
When the couple separated, a lot of their mutual friends stayed connected with the abuser rather than Mary.
“He had her convinced no one liked her, and she had no friends,” Carla said. “They had been around him enough to know how he was and picking his friendship over hers was devastating for her.”
After separating, Mary would get texts saying things like, “Good morning, you look nice today,” and later he would hold her hostage in their house, escape and run for help.
“He was on the run for a month, but he came back,” Jackie said. “He kidnapped her a second time, and when our parents hadn’t heard from her, they called and could hear it in her voice that something was wrong.”
The sister said her parents went to Mary’s house and found her abuser there. They held him at gunpoint until the police arrived, but when they did he locked himself in a room and made a deal that he would come out if he was able to shower.
“He raped her, we had to take her to an out-of-state hospital to complete a rape kit, and he was calling her at the hospital,” Jackie said. “He was supposed to be in jail, and the police allowed him to use the phone. She was who he called so he could harass her more. He never stops.”
‘She was gone’
After this, Mary’s sisters said she never found happiness. Mary attempted suicide but was found and received hospital care.
“I don’t think she knew how to find happiness; she was so tired and she didn’t want to deal with it anymore,” Jackie said. “She was mad because she was saved, she wanted to die.”
Mary’s sisters said another reason she felt the need to attempt suicide was the crushing news that her divorce was denied by a judge after her abuser contested it. They couldn’t believe after everything she had been through that divorce was denied.
A few months after she was raped and kidnapped by her abuser, Mary took her own life. Jackie found her after making unsuccessful phone calls.
“It was a gorgeous fall day. I had bought cupcakes for a family member’s birthday, and I went by to check on Mary,” Jackie said. “I knocked and there was no answer. I went around to the side of the house and went in through an unlocked door.”
She said she yelled for her sister, and her sister’s dog came. Something caught Jackie’s eye on the table – a note.
“I started screaming for her and ran to her bedroom,” she said through tears. “I called 911, they told me to do CPR, but I knew it was beyond that point. She was gone.”
Mary’s abuser received one year in prison for the kidnapping and rape, but was let out early due to the COVID-19 pandemic.
Mary’s sisters have powerful messages to victims of domestic violence and sexual assault.
“They need to leave,” Jackie said. “It never gets better, there is no way to change them. We begged Mary to leave him. Do you want to be in this situation after 30 years?”
“When women are in that position, it’s embarrassing to them,” Carla said. “They don’t want people to know what is going on, and it was so hard for us, as outsiders, to grasp. He broke her down over the years; we never want her to be forgotten, she was one of a kind.”