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My neighbor came over last week cryin' that his wife just left him. I asked if she said she was going out to get milk or cigarettes? If she went for the cigarettes, I'd be more inclined to think she may not be returning.
Since I assumed he wanted to vent, I patiently listened to him whine, but not without adding my 2 cents.
He mentioned how happy they were five years ago when they first started dating. Knowing my neighbor, I clearly understood why she left him, if indeed she did.
For starters, he used to bring her beautiful flowers just because she existed. The last time he brought her flowers was because he backed up over her show ferret, Farlie, in their driveway. The flowers weren't even pretty and it was obvious that he had picked them from their own beetle-laden, pitifully unwatered garden.
When he first started going out with her he made himself look presentable and went the extra mile to clean up his car, open doors and bestow affection upon her.
I've watched his steady, "I'm comfortable now" decline since they married. Just last week, I noticed he left to pick his wife up from work wearing a T-shirt and Superman pajama pants for cryin' out loud.
Yesterday, they were going out somewhere and his hair looked as though he dried it with a leaf blower.
My neighbor used to be slim and in the gym when they first met. Now, not only is he not slim but no longer works out and has let his membership lapse. I've observed through my binoculars that he has no problem these days shoving several Slim Jims into his snack-hole at one time. I guess his idea of slim and gym have taken a turn.
He basically let himself go and women do it as well. I know it's easy to get comfortable in a relationship but perhaps we should hang on to a few of the things we used to do when trying to garner someone's affection, like sucking our guts in.
My friend, who's also my neighbor's wife, used to keep her home neat and clean but about a year into marriage she let it go. The laundry piles up and so do the dishes. She says it's because she's mourning her pet ferret, but that thing died several years ago and field glasses don't lie.
If folks just kept up appearances and whatnots, as they do while dating, many relationships would continue to thrive.
Relationships evolve over time and that can sometimes be good. In the beginning of my own marriage, I used to cook homemade meals for my husband after work. Now I microwave his food and yes, microwaving is still cooking. He doesn't complain about it because he doesn't know any better.
I'm able to shave time off of cooking by microwaving everything. However, I completely shred all the microwave meal boxes (or evidence if you will) so he doesn't know. I also wear his favorite perfume when I serve his two minute meals. His subconscious mind smells the perfume and remembers the way it was.
If you're going to let things go in a relationship, at least do it subtly and cover your tracks.
We tend to let things slide after the honeymoon stage of a relationship. Rather than end up in divorce court perhaps faking it would be better.
I have a friend who purchased a lifelike face mask from an image company. The face covering looks just like him. He puts it on when he wants his wife to remember how he used to look. It must be working because she's quit faking other things. Two birds, one stone.
Anngee Quinones-Belian is a correspondent and humor columnist for the Cherokee Scout. Email her at anngeeq@gail.com.