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I’ve heard it said that nothing in life is free but I beg to differ. Just the other day, I was at the grocery store when I spotted change in the coin return of one of their checkout machines. I ran over and quickly scooped it out, after all it was free money.
In my excitement I got ahead of myself and never noticed the man still trying to check out. He must have thought I really needed it because he told me to just go ahead and keep the change.
Last month, I got a postcard in the mail inviting me and a guest to a free lunch if we attended a seminar on carpet. My husband didn’t want to go, but I made him – after all, it was a free lunch, and I was hungry.
After three hours of sitting and listening to someone talk about rug fibers, I had to wake my snoring husband up in order to leave the restaurant. He complained about it being a waste of time for a product we’ll never need. I assured him that if he kept complaining, I’d buy the darn carpet just so I could roll him up in it before tossing the thing in the bed of my pickup.
The next time I got a postcard in the mail advertising hearing aids, he not only went with me but listened intently to the seminar, which came with a free hearing test.
I have always loved free things. My son makes fun of me for driving 15 miles one way to get a free hot dog, soda and chips at an event. One has to drive to a restaurant to pay for a meal they’re eating out, so I’m more than willing to drive for a free one.
I’m a bit confused as to whether or not produce departments in a grocery store offer free grape samples as there are no posted signs or management telling you not to eat them. Once, I saw a crowd of people standing around a grape section with their mouths moving but no words coming out; I think it was a group of grape grazers. I usually indulge in a free grape or two myself when shopping for groceries, but only if someone else has already busted into the package.
I try to hit all the places that offer free wine tasting, and I don’t even drink alcoholic beverages. It sure is a hoot by the time I’ve finished my rounds – at least for onlookers. Who knew free samples could be so much fun? I’ve even had to employ a designated driver at some of these festive fermented fruit gatherings.
I have a friend who loads up on the free napkins and condiments at fast-food joints after eating. She rarely buys that kind of stuff anymore.
Uncle Vinny says he gets free internet service from his next-door neighbor, but his police record proves the service wasn’t exactly free – he’s such a dope.
Other free things include: free health fairs, public wi-fi, 2-for-1 deals and freebies that businesses offer during grand openings or events.
It’s important not to confuse free samples with all small items near a checkout register. They look like they’re free but looks are deceiving.
A friend of mine mistook a small item as being free and ended up in handcuffs for petty theft. The judge questioned her alleged innocence as her record indicated years of small
item thievery. The judge threw “the book” at her which was appropriately titled, Not Everything in Life is Free.
She spent a few nights in the slammer but she did get free meals, so that’s something. She considered it a win.
Anngee Quinones-Belian lives in Murphy. She loves humor and believes the world needs more of it. Email her at anngeeq@gmail.com.